tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33182737897333190572024-03-10T20:22:33.952-07:00A Peek @ My Hat Collection... My Life!Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.comBlogger77125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-1242982488937810862023-12-20T14:04:00.000-08:002023-12-20T14:04:55.960-08:00<p> <span style="font-family: Poppins;"><u><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>The Highlight Reel</b><b> </b></span></u> </span></p><p><span><span style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: x-small;">I would assume, that we've all been guilty, at times, of only sharing the highlight reel of our lives. You know how it goes... posting a photo of something amazing but cropping out the 'ugly' before sharing, or documenting a great family experience when there was actually some pretty thick tension in the live feed of the moment. Maybe you've been guilty of allowing that green monster of jealousy to settle in as you swipe through friends' vacation album. Or maybe you've zoomed in to the background of a photo to see what a friend or family member's home looks like or what they have... </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: x-small;">I wrote a bit ago that I wanted {or needed} to use this platform to share about our experiences surrounding foster care / adoption. This is a tough blog to write. The insecurity and apprehension about our reality is real. One of our children has a disorder called RAD - stands for Reactive Attachment Disorder and it's the most confusing, frustrating, difficult behavior pattern to deal with (IMO). Our entire life outside of our home most often feels like being <i>forced</i> to show a highlight reel and restrained from being able to be real - somewhat opposite of what we choose to do through social media, yet equally damaging. Not allowed to be transparent. Forced to stay silent. Forced to smile and pretend everything is great. We as parents feel it so deeply, but so do our other 6 children. I know the controversy over sharing things about your adoptive kids. Folks say it's their story to tell - while I understand where that opinion comes from, the truth is, this is OUR story currently. The reasoning for RAD has nothing to do with us, but it now affects EVERY aspect of our lives! It affects our other children deeply. We need the support, through prayer and words of encouragement, especially to the siblings of our child with RAD! If a biological child had a sickness or issue, you rarely hear parents say that it's their story to tell - so, we share for encouragement, for prayer, for relationship and for the freedom to be real. Here's a small glimpse of what's on my lately...</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiC4l2czGxwiHFmuvwFMq7j-drknEx9O7WbFm9q9g556ftgq0c1RMvURQXghZ5DgEmwWyRFumrllZ_aysiO5vOVE61bp7e1InxtIc2fTgNSEK_kO7TY5D1daJ6S0d_iBtfVQxsTXJHbmrQ5yOS_TEQgBwJl-HtLpLBp14KH_fOJTF21SXIH5pArVRAzzTA" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="884" data-original-width="1170" height="355" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiC4l2czGxwiHFmuvwFMq7j-drknEx9O7WbFm9q9g556ftgq0c1RMvURQXghZ5DgEmwWyRFumrllZ_aysiO5vOVE61bp7e1InxtIc2fTgNSEK_kO7TY5D1daJ6S0d_iBtfVQxsTXJHbmrQ5yOS_TEQgBwJl-HtLpLBp14KH_fOJTF21SXIH5pArVRAzzTA=w470-h355" width="470" /></a></div><p><br /></p><span style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: x-small;">Recently we've entered a new phase of parenting our child with RAD. Behaviors aren't as subtle, lies aren't covert any more, incidents are no longer sporadic, but daily. We've noticed a particular increase in false accusations, unhealthy behaviors and disobedience. We have so many wonderful, well-meaning friends that are loving on our RAD child, and we are thankful, yet it's creating a web of manipulation and increase in negative behaviors. I am praying as I type that my heart would be seen and heard and that God would direct all of our words and actions towards her to point her in the direction of true, deep relationship with Jesus first, us as her parents next, her siblings and then all of the other fantastic family & friends in our circle! </span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: x-small;">Recently, I had a conversation with our daughter about her destructiveness, mean behaviors to siblings, daily lying and even stealing (yes, I know.... most folks reading this would be scratching their heads and trying to figure out if someone else has taken over my blog because it seems so ludicrous). The question that I needed to ask had been on my mind for weeks and I guess I had chosen not to ask because I was wanting to stay in the dark about the answer I felt she might give. One night recently after an especially challenging 24-36 hours, I just decided it was time. The question was asked, "What is it? Or is there <i>anything</i> in this world that would make you want to stop lying and/or stealing?" I went on to explain that I was asking if there was anything that would be so undesirable that it would motivate a shift in mindset and create a desire to do right (be honest and trustworthy). I knew the potential answers and even felt like I might know what might be said, yet I was still so saddened by the answer - a very matter-of-fact "<i>Nothing." </i> I tried to go deeper and explain more - like Honey, what if it meant you could prevent a terrible sickness like cancer in your body (not that sickness is that simple but trying to dig deep into the thoughts & heart)? <i>Nope.</i> What if not changing meant losing contact with your biological brothers? <i>Nope.</i> What if it meant keeping our family safe? <i>Nope. </i>What if it meant choosing Heaven; choosing goodness, mercy, forgiveness, peace, joy and freedom from all the trauma? <i>Nope. </i> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: x-small;">Not going to lie, it crushed my heart. But the answer to the next question I asked, hurt my heart even more.... "What do you suggest we do for you? </span><span style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: small;">How do we respond to hearing that you have no desire to do right or quit these behaviors that hurt and are negatively impacting our family?" </span><i style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: small;">"I guess I can just leave. I'll just live with ***** (the name of a classmate she has never mentioned previously). Or I can just go find someone else to live with." </i><span style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: small;">Talk about a punch to the gut! We are more than 4.5 years into relationship with each other. She has lived in our home for far, far longer than anywhere she had ever lived before! To hear that she does not feel attached to us as her parents, her siblings, or even her biological siblings that she lived life with prior to us, was one of the most heartbreaking things I've ever tried to wrap my head around. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: x-small;">We need prayer for direction. We need prayer for our daughter. We need prayer for our other 6 children that daily experience such hard situations due to one child. We need prayer for our marriage and family to remain strong. We need prayer for spiritual growth to take place and for breakthrough. RAD can not be managed like typical neglect situations and we ask for support for our family, though it will not look like you think it should. We have to keep her circle very small. We have to control every aspect of her life in an effort to make her feel safe enough to begin to trust us as her parents. This is soooo often misunderstood. Folks see her as missing out or being treated differently. We catch the looks of confusion of people around us. As hard as it is, everything has to go through us so she can begin to see us as her family. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: x-small;">A few Sunday's ago (prior to our convo above) as I was leading More Than Able, a song I have sang and played over her, literally countless times, I became overwhelmed with emotions. Emotions of why? Why haven't You done a work in her life yet, God? Are You going to do the miracle we've been praying for and believing You for? Will we ever see her in a place of mental health and wholeness? Will she beat the odds of a 70% chance of adult life on the streets or incarcerated? I very clearly felt that Holy Spirit nudge to listen and look... What I saw and heard has given me such a sweet sense of calm. While I fully believe and still plead for healing for my child, there is the factor of her will and desire to receive the Lord's healing and help. BUT, while He is at work in her life, He is equally More Than Able to sustain me as her Mama! I am more than able to walk this path with grace and endurance. Our marriage doesn't have to be strained by this! Our children don't have to grow up with massive damage emotionally or physically because God is more than able to grow in them through this! I've read that God's calling will crush you and I'd say I've lived that a few times over already. Yet, this situation makes all the others seem so simple. It is crushing, but in the crushing He is there! He is at work! The amazing thing about our Father is that while the crushing of life, the effects of sin, difficulty, etc is happening, He is simultaneously at work rebuilding all that the enemy is trying to use to destroy us. I'm praying we allow the weight to push out everything that doesn't resemble Christ and that as He makes us more like Him, our children will grow closer to Him and His calling for their lives! We said yes to her, knowing her diagnosis, because we know Jehovah Rapha. Our prayer is that although the past has happened and was out of her control, the future will be determined by who she chooses to follow and we would love for you to join us in prayer that she chooses Jesus!!!</span></p><p><br /></p>Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-78626238462474908692023-11-24T03:58:00.000-08:002023-11-24T05:26:54.588-08:00Hard Places<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: medium;"> I, probably like others out there, naively believed that consistent love and structure could "fix" the traumas of foster care & adoption. That becoming part of a healthy, Christian, family would {certainly} not eliminate all past hurts and unhealthy life experiences, but that it would do most of the work of bringing about that healing. We've had quite a rude awakening! </span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: medium;">I am diving in deep with this post, and want to preface it by saying that love and structure <i><u>are</u></i> a huge part of the environment required to experience deep, meaningful, forever change. But what about when those positive, consistent factors are in place and things just get worse? What do we do then? How do we move forward when the foundation we felt we needed, is not holding up the weight of the life we are living? </span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: medium;">This has been our experience. This is what we are walking through now, actually. Our story is not as common as many adoption stories. Most folks, even those that adopt many children, do it over a period of time. I know this is a big factor in the weightiness of our struggles. We went from two children to five, then 7.5 months later, six children, then </span><span style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: large;">just a year later, </span><span style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: large;">without </span><i style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: large;">any </i><span style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: large;">warning, added a seventh . So in less than two years we went from two to seven. Let me tell you, that's a huge learning curve! Add in early life trauma, foster-care trauma (the trauma of being removed from your "normal" and then the shock of realizing it was very much NOT normal), missed diagnosis of an emotional/behavioral disorder, autism, drug addiction and withdrawals at birth, then a medically fragile & heavily drug-exposed baby... most assuredly a situation where ignorance was bliss and had we known, what we know now, we might have missed God's calling to this life because we very likely, would not have said yes. On top of our youngest five's struggles, we went through a major medical event with Mark's heart surgery and near-death experience. My heart aches as I think of the struggles Trenton & Kamdyn experienced through all of this change and uncertainty. Even as I type it all, I have erased and retyped it, because it seems like too much. </span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: medium;">My first reaction is to want to cover it up and just "forget it" not replay the hard stuff; but this is a story, still being written, of God's immeasurable goodness in our lives! A story of the faithfulness of our Father and Friend who is still at work and still able to breathe life into the dark, traumatic places of each of our hearts. Especially for our Littles, who entered our lives having experienced more pain, heartache, neglect and abuse than you can imagine possible in such a short lifetime. Something I have learned so far, is the power of speaking life. Of telling and retelling how God has been so powerful in our lives. I believe that our testimony is and will continue to be a huge part of healing! That remembering and sharing the plan and work of God, in our family, will increase our faith and help bring healing that simply loving and teaching could not bring about... And in the process, it will encourage someone else who is shuffling along with their hands held in front of them because they can't see what's ahead - I understand because many of my days also feel that way. You know how when you suddenly walk from a very light place into a place with little to no light? How even when you should know the layout of the space, you feel uncertain about what's in front of you and fearful of stumbling? Let me shout it out, THAT IS THE ENEMY! That is why I love sharing. Often times it's may just be for me... but reminding myself of God's faithfulness is so powerful!! Looking back to see how He truly did go before us and even when we felt/feel like we're walking in utter darkness, He is there! That is powerful and so comforting!</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Poppins; font-size: medium;">So how are we wading through this thick, swampy, path of parenting children from hard places and with much baggage, some even with trauma before birth? We're making many mistakes - asking for forgiveness - doing our best to be real and authentic - striving to model living our life for God and His plans and purposes for our life and being quick to point out how He blesses us as we trust Him - seeking Godly counseling - building a circle of family & friends who quite literally "hold my arms up" as we push back against the darkness that has tried to attach itself from such an early age - speaking life - praying - crying - trusting God to be our strength & asking Him to fill in the gaps where we miss the mark! </span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p>Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-66694227653175126822023-08-02T00:20:00.001-07:002023-11-13T22:45:37.288-08:00<p><span style="font-family: Shadows Into Light;"><b><br /> <span style="font-size: large;">A Day In The Life.... A Start</span></b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Shadows Into Light; font-size: large;">It's been on my mind for some time to do a little writing about some of our highs and lows in foster care + adoption. Maybe it's to process my own struggles, maybe it's to help process theirs, maybe it's to recognize all the good and joy and success, because so many days feel like everything opposing those traits. Or maybe it's to stir up hearts to find their place in the whole messed up, mixed up yet beauty for ashes world of foster care and adoption. I know there is sometimes controversy over what is shared. - if you feel that way, you don't have to read on. While there are certainly parts that are private and for my children to share if and when they choose. However, many of the struggles they came to us with have so deeply impacted our family, our home life, our relationships and are so intricately intertwined into our lives, that it's part of all of us. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Shadows Into Light; font-size: large;">There is one thing that is certain for me - I feel like there is no way I could have ever seen or experienced the awe & depth of God adopting us into His family, like I have in this journey. It literally brings me to tears, right now, at 2am and 4.5+ years into this life.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Shadows Into Light; font-size: large;">For those who may not know our beginning in foster care, we had discussed it from time to time, and always said, one day we should do that.... In 2017 our precious, direct, children heard us discussing it and said "Well if you feel like God is putting this thought in your mind, what are you waiting for?! Just do it!" That was just the reality check we needed. If God said it, just do it!! We began the process shortly after that but weren't fully licensed until January or February 2019. We had multiple 'almost' placements but didn't officially become a foster family until April 18th, 2019. We picked up three little children from a local daycare with ONE wal-mart bag - that was everything for all three of them... let the first heartbreak begin! The one pair of clothes they had, the one on their little bodies, were mostly way too large and the shoes on their feet were nowhere near the needed size for any of them. One child, in response to the trauma of entering foster care, did not speak more than 5 words to us in 24 hours and ate about the same number of bites. It was the most unnerving thing I think I'd ever done. And I was a "kid-person"! Like 10 years of children's ministry and at least 10 years of having a childcare business, plus a mama of two!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Shadows Into Light; font-size: large;">On our way to pick them up I received an "oh, by the way" text that informed us that the 3 year old was "non-verbal". That's a pretty big deal and something we felt should have been discussed. Nevertheless, we opened our hearts and home and let the journey begin!</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Shadows Into Light; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_U8eW-SHSMx2iXUVTnBGdhnlFjxSYvufPigxRjtFiJQFIje8PMC_Cd8lcZQiWnASOkBmLO1xr3JoIVYDlMx-USnPvkCnlmKqKD3k307TAx09Eu6Vw5HAYZaasFX4QcdKmD2Uiaz_xtRYEoKF0rRQLhevmNtRU7nJMZzObTjavohwpMUak0Y8knZrcQMU/s3088/2DDDEDA1-A3C5-4F73-B464-2D7784E479F9.heic" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2320" data-original-width="3088" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_U8eW-SHSMx2iXUVTnBGdhnlFjxSYvufPigxRjtFiJQFIje8PMC_Cd8lcZQiWnASOkBmLO1xr3JoIVYDlMx-USnPvkCnlmKqKD3k307TAx09Eu6Vw5HAYZaasFX4QcdKmD2Uiaz_xtRYEoKF0rRQLhevmNtRU7nJMZzObTjavohwpMUak0Y8knZrcQMU/s320/2DDDEDA1-A3C5-4F73-B464-2D7784E479F9.heic" width="320" /></a></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Shadows Into Light; font-size: large;"><i>4.19.19 - Our first car ride together with FIVE children </i></span></div><p></p>Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-62111854434003371982023-07-15T21:52:00.000-07:002023-07-15T21:52:20.465-07:00<h1 style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>Walk By Faith??</b></span></h1><div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8xZAz7PCwTVjhHGirCmIAvpZWDr7q0pPsjp1vuIs1H7gthxmfkDYcpDAp_530odyPkjzzgE_GqMQHJO8w07ALLF5sxYjcFj7MssMgyeZ60fWgVTzE8u9USLfjuvnKXu-YabgpOy-uwfDNl0BQuOGJd0Gna6Z7wLgl5iRw8-8grGqVwJyfFvxCxauJ0Is/s2560/walkbyfaith.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1707" data-original-width="2560" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8xZAz7PCwTVjhHGirCmIAvpZWDr7q0pPsjp1vuIs1H7gthxmfkDYcpDAp_530odyPkjzzgE_GqMQHJO8w07ALLF5sxYjcFj7MssMgyeZ60fWgVTzE8u9USLfjuvnKXu-YabgpOy-uwfDNl0BQuOGJd0Gna6Z7wLgl5iRw8-8grGqVwJyfFvxCxauJ0Is/s320/walkbyfaith.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I've been asking myself this question a lot lately. Well, at least thinking about it A LOT!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The beginning of this new season of our lives has been a scrambled, </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">unpredictable forecast with seemingly every season represented. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">There really is some comfort in knowing that if it's summer, </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">we may not love the heat, but we can certainly know how to plan for it. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">When winter comes, we know that boots and sweaters should be readily available. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">But when spring looks like winter and winter feels like the blazing heat of summer, </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">it brings a sense of confusion and uncertainty. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">These feelings don't exactly foster a strong walk by faith. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> We sing about praising in the valley or on the mountain, and while I'm a HUGE proponent of speaking it before we feel it, see it or even truly believe it, we're typically singing those lyrics when we're <i>not </i>in a true valley. Oh but when we get there..... </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">i</span><span style="font-family: arial;">t's often not a lack of belief but a weariness, a worried mind, </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">an unknowing or a fearful heart that causes our faith to wane. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Just 10 days ago, Mark had surgery to have an internal defibrillator and pacemaker placed. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">To the medical professionals and possibly many others, </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">this is probably a fairly routine, an uneventful procedure. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">For me, a person who doesn't struggle with anxiety, </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">it brought <b>mountains</b> of anxiety. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Like, Mt. Everest sized worry and fear. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">And yes, I know all the verses, all the phrases, </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">...perfect love casts out fear, fear not, cast all your cares on Him.... </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><u>They are all 100% truths</u>. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Yet, I still found myself literally crippled with worry in some moments. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">You see, less than 4 years ago he had open heart surgery. Triple bypass. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">And things went well - <i>until they didn't.</i> </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">About 2 hours after the end of surgery he began losing blood at a life threatening rate. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">In the rush to save his life and get him back in the OR to find the source of blood loss, </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">he contracted a sternal wound infection. With just a 40% survival rate, there were some very uncertain and difficult days. This was the deepest valley I had walked through. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">While he was also in the valley, it was such a different journey for him. Being barely conscious for many consecutive days, his experience was quite different than mine. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The same for this most recent surgery and the mental weight leading into it. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">It was a crazy PTSD kind of emotion. It brought me to a new place of empathy for those that experience this regularly. It also gave some perspective on how we casually say, "trust Jesus". </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">While my hope is fully in the maker of Heaven & earth, my human nature felt the emotional toll of life on this earth. I questioned how well I was walking by faith. Was I really doing that? </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Or was I just walking? Just getting by...just doing what had to be done?</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">And sometimes - you just gotta get through something. We all do it. I've been talking to one of my children about this very thing when it comes to algebra. You just have to get through it. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">And honestly, in many situations, you can do it, with or without Jesus. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Unbelievers do it every day. But <u><i>why</i></u> would you do it without Him? </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">For me, getting through it in faith is admitting that I'm struggling. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Admitting that my heart believes in the goodness and love of Christ, while acknowledging that I am still human and my head reminds me of the dangers in this life. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The challenge lies in balancing these two. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">One of many life-altering realizations in my life was learning that God is not afraid of my questions, doubts, concerns or weaknesses. In fact, I can't think of anyone in Scripture that did these things more than David and he was given the title of a "man after God's own heart". </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Learning how to recognize these struggles in my life, acknowledge them without accepting them and then freely communicate them to Christ has truly strengthened my walk of faith. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I don't claim to know all the answers but I do know the One who does. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">There is deep peace and comfort, even when my humanity is quivering because of my realities, in knowing that God will give me what I need, in the moment of true need. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">That is walking by faith.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">If you made it through my lengthy post after years of silence on this platform, </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I hope you are encouraged to be real with God. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">He already knows your deepest feelings, </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">in fact better than you... </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">but He desires honesty and relationship, <i>communication,</i> from us. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Don't give up! Keep walking in faith! </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">He = we {<i>followers of Christ</i>} win in the end!</span></div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-20829600594460978562020-07-29T21:29:00.000-07:002020-07-29T21:29:02.990-07:00The Lights Flickered<br /><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT0j6VHORnvMiMR98E1r4cq6ZMcPWQszPbLb6wWeAuFe84RhpuG-gu0RhUbpj5U43ysdVBxsyx39Kd36-M8xrMtZmiNNrtWaCo9g4qmjMfTL6CQI5sfDaQjSnQLLEgld3SHWMw06_TCk0/s275/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT0j6VHORnvMiMR98E1r4cq6ZMcPWQszPbLb6wWeAuFe84RhpuG-gu0RhUbpj5U43ysdVBxsyx39Kd36-M8xrMtZmiNNrtWaCo9g4qmjMfTL6CQI5sfDaQjSnQLLEgld3SHWMw06_TCk0/s0/images.jpeg" /></a></div></span><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><div><font face="helvetica"><br /></font></div></span><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;">You know when you're in the midst of a storm and the lights flicker, you wonder how bad the storm really is? Or if you've missed a weather report about something more serious? Maybe there has been an accident because of the wind and rain and you may lose electricity for some time? My kids always ask repeatedly, are the lights going out again? When will the lights come back on? And I'd say that I had all of those questions and more on this day in 2019. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;">I grew up on the Gulf Coast and we were no stranger to hurricanes. In fact, my family never left home during a storm so I know the awe and fear these big storms can bring, especially as a child. I remember hearing of neighborhoods or areas nearby that experienced a tornado in the middle of a huge storm. This time last year felt much like that for us. We felt as if we had been in the middle of pounding wind and rain for some time and then on top of that this smaller, yet more powerful storm hit us hard even while the bigger, yet less power-packed storm still raged all around. Lights always flicker when storms come and it was no different for us on this day. It was a literal flickering of life though. Those lights don't often come back on, yet God, in His great compassion, brought light back. I can't thank Him enough!</span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;">I remember in the chaos of the moment, walking back by Mark's ICU bay from my tour of where I'd be staying that night, I thought I was about to get another sneak peek at him resting, recovering, beginning the healing journey. The picture I saw though was everything but what I anticipated. I felt fear grip me like I've never felt before. I had seen him passing in a dream or vision a few nights prior and prayed, begged & pleaded with God to return the light of life to Mark. During this night, I never saw the ending, so as the nurse grabbed me and pushed me close to his bedside, every possible outcome ran through my mind. Another nurse told me to get back and then I overheard the first nurse whisper, "she needs to say goodbye". I know she didn't think I heard. She may not have even meant it as a forever goodbye, but I did hear and I knew what the outcome would be without a miracle. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Last night I was reading about Paul in 2 Corinthians. "</span><i style="font-family: helvetica;">That experience is worth boasting about, but I'm not going to do it. I will boast only about my weakness. If I wanted to boast, I would be no fool in doing so, because I don't want anyone to give me credit beyond what they can see in my life or hear in my message, even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep my from becoming proud."...."Each time He said, 'My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness!'</i><span style="font-family: helvetica;">" I see these scriptures in a new way today. God has most certainly brought us through</span><span style="font-family: helvetica;"> </span><u style="font-family: helvetica;">some stuff</u><span style="font-family: helvetica;">! Especially in the last 18 months... But we've in no way arrived at perfection or full understanding of His ways. Some days I want to put myself in time out for being petty in my thoughts or impatient in my ways. I say to myself, after all God has done, how can I question or wonder or worry. I have to remind myself that these are the very things, weaknesses, that allow Him to be bigger and stronger in my life -</span><span style="font-family: helvetica;"> </span><b style="font-family: helvetica;">when I let Him</b><span style="font-family: helvetica;">. This time last year, I felt as helpless and weak as I'd ever</span><span style="font-family: helvetica;">been in my life, yet I look back now and see His strength. I see faith in a truly fearful situation. I see provision when there was much to lose. I see new growth, even in a desert season. I see God. In His gentle yet powerful way, at work. God is the source of Light and of Life and I'm so humbled and thankful that He brought them both back so strong in Mark's life! </span></div>Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-2253965695613158752020-02-12T20:36:00.003-08:002020-02-12T20:36:34.278-08:00Didn't Know How to LOVE<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What a downer title, I KNOW... </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Especially 2 flippin' days before Valentine's Day, right? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am completely undone tonight though.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> It feels like a tornado went through all the neatly organized rooms of my heart. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Foster care isn't for the faint of heart. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That's true on many levels...juggling schedules, mountains of paperwork, teaching and reteaching the most basic life skills like hygiene (for instance, my school-aged child didn't know how to wipe and dispose of the tp ten months ago - whaaaaaa???) but tonight I've experienced a new realm, if you will. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am familiar with the brokenness that just "IS" foster care. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Once you join the first foster care FB group you can not escape it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Most every conversation with a case worker or DFCS staff leads to it as well </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(and major applause to them because they see, hear and experience far more!). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When you feel like you've read or experienced all the scenarios, think again because as many people as there are in the world, there are that many ways of doing things. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No two situations are the same! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Let me first share a little history... </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">in less than two months we have had 3 diagnosed cases of the flu, 2 strep, countless tummy issues and coughing like that's what all the cool kids do. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just prior to the start of this time, we added a brand, new, teeny, tiny baby to our crew. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Put all this together for a slightly OCD, germaphobic Mama </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and just roll out the welcome mat for crazy Mama! Hahaha! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This past weekend FS8 suddenly started feeling bad, again. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He has realized that he doesn't have to keep up the caregiver role </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and when he is sick his desire to be the one cared for </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">has caused the pendulum to swing completely to the other side! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the middle of the night, he will run in our room, </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">sobbing </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">if he thinks he has a headache or may be getting sick. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's irrational and difficult because it's never been "anything" more than what it actually is - a little headache or a stuffy nose - but at the same time, he is wanting the care and attention so many sick kiddos get and he seems to have missed out on in his life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On to this past Monday - my sweet daughter had a headache at school and after a dose of meds felt much better so she stayed at school. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Later that afternoon, she was a piping hot 103.7. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am a - let's pray, sleep, drink powerade & eat chicken noodle soup first</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> kind of Mom, so that's we did. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then Tuesday afternoon, my fd6 hit 101 on the thermometer. Not our best week! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our foster babies didn't wash their hands much when they came to us. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not for meals and not even when they left the restroom, so needless to say, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">they are the ones that often contract sickness. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So tonight, when I walked into what we've been calling the Sick Room </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to see one of the Littles sucking a thumb, I was completely undone. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After all we've talked about and all the measures we take to stop the thumb-sucking </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and it's still happening here right in the middle of sick-city?!?!?! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Movie time had to end and it was on to bed. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My voice was stern. My brow furrowed. My tone was not chipper in the least. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Once snug in bed, I went through all the reasons why thumb sucking equals a bad choice. All of which have been discussed weekly, some weeks, daily. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Even the dentist said, do whatever you have to do to stop the thumb sucking. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So it's not just a germ issue, but also a development issue for the mouth.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After my monologue, I asked if we could work together to figure out why it keeps happening, and this is where I broke. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I asked why thumb-sucking started in the life before living with us and the sleepy, six-year old answer completely wrecked my world. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"<i>Because my _______ & _______ didn't know how to love me." </i> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was stated rather matter-of-factly, but tore my heart nonetheless. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My arms couldn't get around that little frame fast enough </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and my heart couldn't break more than it did. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They didn't know how to love?? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know in this young age, really being able to grasp this is not likely but there is enough understanding to know that something was missing, and in a big way. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How does a family make up for almost 5 years of not being loved in the right way? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How do we make certain we are loving in the right way? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These and so many other thoughts and questions filled my mind as tears filled my eyes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After a massive shift in the conversation, a smile crept across that tiny face </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and another hug to assure of love and value. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Prayers for peace, healing & hope. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As I left the room I made my way to the couch and just sat. Thinking. Praying. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was quickly reminded of these lyrics - </span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.98px;">How deep the Father's love for us</span></b></div>
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<b><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.98px;">How vast beyond all measure</span></b></div>
<span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.98px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="background-color: transparent;"><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="line-height: 21.98px;">That He should give His only Son</span></b></div>
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<b style="background-color: transparent;"><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="line-height: 21.98px;">To make a wretch His treasure"</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How deep His love! I find solace in the fact that outside of the Father's love, we are all left longing for more. The only TRUE LOVE is found in Him and His love can surpass and heal ALL missed or just misplaced love in our lives. Broken can be made beautiful in Him! Although He gives us people to fulfill the need for companionship and human bond </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">here on earth, our greatest need is Him. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am time and time again humbled and tonight is the greatest humbling moment yet, that God would allow us to meet these little ones in their broken places and love them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Before our first placement began I read a quote that I took as our motto and how true it is...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>" We don't strut into their stories with capes on our shoulders, we crawl into them with the Cross on our backs."</u> <i>(jasonjohnsonblog.com)</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think this quote could be applied to many situations. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In what situation could you trade in your cape for a cross? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How many of your relationships are struggling or strained because you desire to be loved in a way that must come from the Father first?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All of our fulfillment and deepest love should come from God, first.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The spouse, children, grandchildren, extended family and friends are just bonus blessings, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He blesses us with and when we keep it in that order, we can feel whole & complete. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not receiving love in the way we desire from another human can no doubt be hurtful, but James 1:4 says, "</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22.8571px;">So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22.8571px;">Those things in the line above, they come from God and God alone! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>#thesehardthingsareworthit #whitakerkrew</i></span></div>
Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-50319991119390862912020-01-01T08:19:00.000-08:002020-01-01T08:19:00.606-08:00What.A.Year!!<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Happy New Year! I literally CAN NOT BELIEVE it is 2020?! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My New Year's Eve festivities would not make most folks' wish list, but I'm perfectly fine with them... Overseeing 5 little people make their own pizza, making bottles and snuggling a 6th little one, the washer & dryer spinning all night, suds in the sink & dishwasher and getting an update that my favorite guy is heading back home after leading worship at a New Year's Eve service... these are a few of the things that made up my "wild night"! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's weird how we often get in auto-pilot with our answers or conversations. Mark & I were talking about this happening and I even heard the same scenario play out with our kiddos, that folks make such cliche comments about the ending year and we in turn answer in the same way. In our case, on more than one occasion it was said, yeah, it was a good year. Umm, reality check?! We had a tough year. In fact, I'd definitely say it has been one of the toughest years of our 14+ years together and most certainly the toughest year of our kiddo's lives. Most everything about 2019 feels like a struggle. Like a constantly dripping faucet or a cold wind that cuts right through you and doesn't seem to let up. In many ways it feels like a punch in the gut, and we seemed to get hit again each time after finally pushing ourselves back to standing. From health, to ministry to family life and so much in between...it's been tough!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm a complete romanticist. I want everything to always end well. To be peaceful and complete. To be wrapped in a bow and not just the curling ribbon kind of bow, I'm talking about wide, wired ribbon that makes a statement, kind of bow. Haha! There are a number of things in my life that aren't wrapped in a perfect bow as the calendar flips to 2020 and time marches along and if I let it, it can really be unsettling. But then I look back to remind myself of God at work in our lives through some incredibly emotional and bleak moments of the past 365 days. In fact, I see how He carried me through so many of these days and even when I was walking on my own, I was never alone. He was there. In every moment I thought I had it figured out, as well as those that terrified me to think of a second ahead of where I was at that instant. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">God has specifically shown Himself to be Jehovah Rapha & Jehovah Jireh to our family throughout 2019! And as we walk into this new year, Jehovah Nissi is who we're leaning on. He has given strength that was literally un-human. He brought life back into Mark's body when things looked dim. He provided when we welcomed His little ones into our home as well as when resources have been stretched thin and so many times in between. He gave prophetic words over our children even as they walked through deep places of confusion & worry. He filled us over and over again and continues to fill us with hope in His plan that can not be sent off course by any type of opposition! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2019 - foster care, school struggles, lung cancer, 100% blockages, hip replacement, no place for you, too much blood loss, I'll always be your Mommy, sternal wound infection, not out of the woods, tantrums, new higher payment, home health, drug baby, bills, new normal, what next? - a few of the words and phrases we wrestled with throughout the past year. <i> </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Romans 5:3 - We can rejoice too when we run into problems and trials for we know that they help us develop endurance. - Isaiah 43:31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.</i> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The year of 2019 was a year of immense spiritual warfare. Warfare brings scars, loss and pain, but it brings growth like nothing else can, tenacity, friendships, opportunities & new plans for the future when the landscape around has changed from the battle at hand. My humanity hopes for a year of peace & calm you know the Silent Night kind of atmosphere...of course I always kind of laugh inside at that song...what first night with a new baby is ever silent? (or any of the nights for the following weeks...haha!) Don't get technical on me - I know what the song is implying, but my thoughts here are - "Silent Night" literally or just figuratively, either way, I'm trusting that the lessons learned, doors that have closed, trials we've walked through, mistakes we've had to acknowledge & victories we've been able to sing praises over, will ultimately, propel us into every, single thing He has purposed for 2020 and that these experiences will never be wasted, but will be used for His glory for as long as possible!</span> <b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Happy New Year, Friends!! </span></b>Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-4116534905794817882019-12-01T21:35:00.000-08:002019-12-01T21:35:28.988-08:00Getting ready...<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's late. I have so many things I'd love to finish before I climb into bed, but I know most will have to wait. I have however been able to check a few things off my to do list...yay! Coming home from five days away, with 7 people is not for the faint of heart. Haha! Amidst my unlit Christmas tree, laundry pile and sink of sippy, travel & coffee cups, I just had to take a minute to stop and write. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My heart is heavy tonight. I have a laundry basket of freshly washed baby clothes, a car seat sitting in our living room and a bassinet ready to be moved into my room. There's a pack a diapers and wipes in the baby bathtub and a can of formula in the cabinet. I have all these things ready, just in case, but tonight I've been wondering if another mom across town has been preparing too?? Foster care is such a roller coaster. You see, sometime soon, the mom of three little ones, that also call me Momma, will be having her 4th baby. She hopes to take this baby home with her. I've been told to be ready for a baby. It's hard to be prepared when you have so many other things that could use your time, energy & finances, but at the same time, how can I not do these things to be "ready"?! I've often said that foster care causes you to do so many permanent things for such temporary situations - and let me tell you, they are totally worth it! Washing the clothes, collecting things from family or friends and purchasing the vehicle big enough for us all are just small steps to truly being "ready"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My husband often says, that I get myself worked up over things that may not be reality. That the way I think of situations and settings is quite possibly not that way a bio mom or dad may be thinking about the same situations. While this may be true, I know that this mom is wanting her baby to go home with her. But what if that doesn't happen? Does the crib sit empty? Does a car seat get moved to the corner to collect dust? Do tiny baby clothes, hang in the closet just to be surpassed by a rapidly growing babe? If so, for how long and what does it do to that Momma's heart?! My husband is likely right about many thought processes being different, but this one, this one is tough and my heart aches for the mom facing labor and the uncertainty that will immediately follow. My heart aches for this brand, new life that may not go home to be snuggled near the heartbeat that was the soundtrack of "home" the past 9 months. My heart aches for the situation to be different, but I am not the one that can change that. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am not completely powerless though...many moments have been filled with prayers whispered under my breath for this little one that is starting out quite differently from most. Prayers for protection from harm, for a safe delivery, for a smooth transition to whichever home has the honor of welcoming the life just starting out! I can provide love, security and care. I can pray not only for these little ones, but also for the mom or dad that needs to work hard to reunify with their children. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This situation is not so different from many we face each day. We may be powerless to change the cause of our struggle or challenge, but we aren't actually powerless. God wants to use us to bring hope and healing to every person we meet. He wants to give us the strength to overlook the hurt or wrong and see the heart. To see what He sees! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I pray that today, we will seek to see what God sees, love like He loves and open our hearts to whatever He allows to cross our paths!</span>Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-14267995035992157742019-11-28T16:38:00.001-08:002019-11-28T16:38:12.283-08:00Thankfulness<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Today is Thanksgiving Day. I have looked forward to this day for weeks now. Not because I wanted to wait until today to be thankful, but because it's a day when the everyday routines get to go on pause and I can truly reflect on the many things for which I can be thankful! It's the holiday we typically get to spend at my parent's house and I've really been looking forward to that as well. Me and the crew of 5 Littles set out a day ahead of Daddy, to get on to Florida yesterday morning. Atlanta traffic did not disappoint ;) and Auburn and Montgomery got in on the fun too, so our 6-6.5 hour trip turned into more of a 9-9.5 hour trip. Today I have really been under the weather but it has given me lots of time to think as I rest. To thank God for the many things He has done this year and the special people He has worked through to bless and encourage me this year.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My thankfulness this year is far greater than years past! Part of my realization this year is that at all times, we have so much to be thankful for...many times things that we aren't even aware of and always, things that we don't take the time to acknowledge or choose thankfulness about! Most of all, I'm thankful that the Creator of this world loves me and sees me right where I am! That He is not turned away by my questions or fears and that He is continually working all for my good as I trust Him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I am more thankful than words can express that God kept Mark and that we are able to celebrate this Thanksgiving together! I remember sitting by his hospital bed, praying for his healing, yet simultaneously wondering what was ahead. It was a bit like creeping into a dark, unfamiliar room as I allowed my thoughts to go to the 'what if God doesn't choose to heal him the way I'm praying?' What will my life look like then? I remember trying to see the Holidays - Thanksgiving & Christmas - and wondering how could we even face them if God didn't choose to heal Mark here on this earth?? It was a test of my trust in God for sure, but also a moment when I chose to stand for healing and believe that God could do what seemed so difficult. I'm so thankful that He chose to heal Mark!! I have a new passion for standing by Mark's side and serving God together, in whatever way He leads!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'm also thankful for the multitudes of people, literally around the world, that prayed and stood with us, in faith, for healing. The body of Christ has blown me away this year and the timing of it, is not wasted on me. I am humbled and thankful for every single person that prayed, cooked a meal, brought a gift, took care of our children, gave financially and asked, "How is Mark?". Seriously, each one impacted our lives far beyond that moment. I am still drawing from those blessings today and still thanking God for how He works through His people! So to each one of you that fall into any of these categories above - THANK YOU!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'm thankful for my children. They have faced some really difficult situations through 2019 and although it's not easy, it's an honor to call on Jesus to take all these things and use them as fertilizer in their soul. To help positively mold and shape their calling and use them to touch others who will face difficult situations as well. I'm thankful that even in the midst of the weeds of working through all their struggles, God gave us a Word about His purposes for them and it was the boost we needed to continue just standing alongside them, helping them work through emotions, fears and frustrations. God's plans for them are incredible and I'm so thankful I get to watch it unfold from the front row! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Stepping into foster care this year has opened my eyes to an entire world of thankfulness that I never knew before. None of us choose when, where or to whom we will be born. We can not choose or change those situations, but can always find God in them if we look for Him (<i>much like every other situation in life</i>). I'm so thankful that my parents worked hard and led me to Jesus, not everyone has that blessing. I'm also incredibly humbled that God would choose to use us to stand in the gap for kids who's parent's are facing tough situations. God has taught me so much about His care for me when I mess up, His forgiveness & His plan through these three little ones He has blessed us with this year. It's brought many struggles, especially with all of Mark's health struggles, but we wouldn't want to be anywhere else that here, in the midst of God's plan for our lives. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'm thankful for God's peace and healing for family. Even through some scary diagnosis and situations. Some of them He has resolved already and others we are still standing in faith for healing. We know He can and trust Him to do what He sees as best!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'm thankful for God's calling on my life. Although it's taken me through some situations I never dreamed of walking through, it's all been for Him and because of that good can come from every mountaintop or valley experience, equally! The old song, Because He Lives, comes to mind... anything and everything can be faced, because He didn't just die for us, He defeated death and rose again and is preparing a place for us, even now! For that, I'm unequivocally thankful! Happy Thanksgiving, Friends!</span>Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-21658528690199049592019-10-03T07:35:00.000-07:002019-10-03T07:35:38.524-07:00Who's Your Boss?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm already posting again...Crazy I know. Haha! Life is so busy and I often have <i>great</i> intentions to write an update or share something I've been thinking over, but then sleep overtakes me. Thankfully we are sensing a bit more settling and that is a welcome thing!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The past week has been tough though. From car problems, to the stomach bug {me being victim #4} to heavy thoughts & decisions needing to be made, to just parenting 5 children - 3 if whom have been through so much in their short lives, to another ER visit for Mark, yesterday. Whew! Life comes at you like that from time to time. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yesterday, Mark had a pain issue that has been building and suddenly was pretty severe. Like 10 out of 10. You're probably thinking, well why did you let it get that bad?! I would likely be thinking the same thing....but it's something we have spoken to a couple of his doctors about on several occasions and they blew it off as a symptom of his picc line. Well, the picc line came out two days prior to this intense pain, so that could no longer be the source and it really amped up as well so we figured we should get on in to see what the cause might be. Mark suspected pleurisy, but some of the symptoms didn't seem to match up, and regardless of the cause, he needs relief. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">*This post is not intended to put down any medical system or professional* but y'all, our medical system in America is not good. The heart of my post is what we as Christians should do with low work ethic around us, and declining standards of care whether in healthcare or otherwise...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yesterday, I called Mark's doctor's office and spoke with the sweet lady at the front desk who was generally concerned. She said because of the nature of the need and issues he has had and is currently having her computer wouldn't allow her to schedule him. I'm assuming because of liability - when the patient says "chest pain", you can't just schedule them for next Friday and hope all is well until then. đ She did say, let me transfer you to the nurse and if she thinks it's not urgent, then she can give you an appointment. Call is transferred, but no one answers. I left a detailed message explaining what is currently going on as well as what he has just been through. I still haven't received a call back more than 24 hours later. This is sad. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We decided that waiting may not be in his best interest so we just headed on the ER. Although quickly placed in a trauma room, he was able to get a fantastic nap because no one came to the room for well over an hour. Now, I will certainly tell you, we were in no way in need of a trauma room, but because of his history and the recentness of his surgery and infection they placed us there but didn't follow through. When the doctor came in, other than listening to his heartbeat and a quick push on the place of pain, there was no exam and no real attention to any details of what has been going on. As he left, I whispered, "Wow, he didn't seem like a doctor at all", and Mark replied, "No kidding! He really reminded me of a taxi driver". Hahaha!! And he was right! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All of this got me thinking about a number of similar situations in the hospital and in working with doctor's offices over the past few months. It all really made me wonder...for who or what are all these people working? Then, I asked myself the same question?? Who am I hoping to make proud? From whom am I hoping to receive promotion? As followers of Jesus, our mission is to make His name known and to bring honor to God our Father through ALL of our work. Not just the service project from our church or the money we give to missions. NO! Mommas, it's through folding our laundry, making lunches, balancing work and family, getting up at 3am <i>again, </i>going to the grocery store, listening to our kids as they walk through tough times, and on and on. And Dads, it's going to that job that is such a drag, or heading to your second job to get your family ahead, it's being engaged in mealtime or game time when you would rather do most anything else, it's putting together your child's toy or the broken gutter or a broken heart, it's keeping the yard in order....students, it's doing your school work as unto the Lord - as if He is the only one asking you to do it. And why?? God's word says to do EVERYTHING as unto the Lord. EVERYTHING!! Not the things you enjoy, or the things labeled as spiritual. It's the things you enjoy least. It's your secular job or maybe your church job. It's the thing He has called you to do. Or maybe the thing you are doing right now as you wait on His timing for what He has for you next! It is whatever He has placed right in front of you today! But how can you motivate yourself to keep this up on days that it's really, really hard?? The simple phrase - "<u>Great is your reward in Heaven"</u> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If every Christian working in healthcare worked their job fully as unto the Lord, then no government breakdown or restriction could keep it from improving. If every Christian teacher worked as unto the Lord, then our school system could be changed for the better. If every person in ministry could recognize when they step across the line of this thing, big or small, could make a difference in someone's eternity to I have to get this done before Sunday, then our churches could see revival! We could go through every industry in America and say the same thing and every single one could be touched by the passionate work we could accomplish, as Christians, when we stop seeing our earthly boss as the one watching and the one we're working for, and see Jesus in that position!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not only does our work improve when we have this mindset, but our expectation of the outcome of our work improves as well! We begin to see Jesus in situations we may have missed Him in before. I've challenged myself today, to fill up the dishwasher with a great attitude, to smile as I sweat while putting out all my fall flowers and decor in 98* weather, to stay patient when bedtime lingers and the stalling tactics grow stronger, to give hugs before discipline when I'm frustrated at attitudes that are crummy. I want to see Jesus in everything I do, and do everything for Him! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm thankful for His hand on Mark and trust that He can work through this new medication whether we're really treating the real issue or not! đ Who knows, maybe taxi cab drivers make good doctors too??! Happy Thursday, Friends ~</span><br />
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Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-14607314703511303292019-10-01T20:21:00.001-07:002019-10-01T20:21:41.275-07:00Fading<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I just love when lights fade smoothly on a set or music is faded so smoothly that at first you don't even realize it. It's such and easy transition from one thing to another and I'm all about that life. Most of the time though, actual life doesn't play out that way. It's lights flipping on at the end of a much too short night of sleep, or music bumping to a screeching halt of silence. Our life has felt a bit like that over the past few months. Although it wasn't the very first time he's driven away since his illness, I couldn't keep the tears from forming as I watched the tail lights on Mark's car fade as he drove to work for the first time today. The last time he drove to work was in July...today is crazily, October. OCTOBER! We are different people now. Our kids have been changed as well and some days, like today, I wonder if their little hearts will ever feel secure again. I know it takes Jesus and often, just lots of time, but the change is hard in many ways. Our old lives seem to have faded away and walking confidently in the new way of life can be tough. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At the beginning of all of this for Mark, I knew and I think he did as well, deep in our deepest place that something was seriously wrong, but who wants to believe that or accept that?! The room I walked into following his heart cath had a huge window with sun streaming in, yet it felt incredibly dark and cold. Not only was the news not what we wanted to hear, but it was way, way worse. A thousand questions went through my mind, while trying to hold it together for him because I knew so many more thoughts were running through his. All the fears from his first surgery returned to me, fears I thought I had laid to rest. The weight of not one child at home, but now five tugged at me with a swirling chaos. Then the uncertainty of his wishes regarding an impending surgery felt crushing. You see, after his first surgery, he said, <i>I won't do this again. If it happens again, then it's just my time to go. Let me die.</i> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I could not even allow myself to go through that phrase in my mind, yet I could <i>not</i> get it to leave. I silently prayed that my legs could continue to hold me up and that my face could remain calm, even if everything inside me wasn't. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The night after this, I began waking up several times a night, in a complete panic. I couldn't explain it and yet couldn't stop it. After this happened sometime late Thursday night, I did my usual prayer and declaration of peace and God's best not only for Mark, but for myself and our family, but I couldn't go back to sleep. I grabbed my phone and read through some scripture and a devotion then curled back into my chair in hopes of getting another hour or two of sleep before someone popped in for blood pressure, labs or another x-ray. I didn't feel like I went to sleep, but I also didn't feel fully awake but I began seeing scenes play out in my mind. It was much more real than a dream. I saw us at the hospital, I saw us hugging and saying see you later, I saw myself sitting in a room and then I saw Mark start to rise up into the air. I was then outside watching him and he continued to go higher and then stopped and was just suspended in mid-air, surrounded by beautiful, puffy, white clouds. Then I saw a blinding light and knew it was God our Father and Mark then looked away from me up toward Heaven. I began begging God to give us more time on earth together. I felt like I should say something really spiritual, and wanted so badly to do so. Something like Your will be done, or it's okay if You have another plan, but in my vision, I didn't. I did however hear, Him say something to me about words. Something along the lines of it's in your words. Everything went black. I had no resolution or promise of what may happen. I "woke up" literally sobbing like I had been in this vision. A deep, aching began inside me that I couldn't shake. I wanted every moment we had together because I didn't know how many might be left, and then I realized that every day on this earth is like that. Sometimes we get the gradual fade of a long life, lived well, but other times we don't. There isn't a fade. It's light and then it's dark. My outlook on everything during those days changed, yet it should have already been this way, really, but it's tough. We don't often live life in true light of eternity. Humanity causes us to live as if this life is the pinnacle, but really, we're just beginning here. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn't know what to do with what I had seen, so I just asked God for wisdom. SO.MANY.TIMES I wanted to climb up on the bed with Mark and pour it out to him and just cry, but something stopped me - Let me insert this here, that if you are unsure about the work of the Holy Spirit in your life, this is a fantastic example. He kept me from speaking as the Lord began to show me some truth. - As surgery day drew closer, my dread grew stronger. The day before surgery didn't go at all as hoped. I wanted us to have a special time with our kids and talk about life and love and that didn't happen. When our children headed home, I almost told Mark why I was so upset about not getting to spend that time with them, but the phrase, <i>power of life and death</i> kept replaying in my mind and I stopped again. Every moment alone, in the restroom, the elevator, the waiting room or the car brought uncontrollable tears and prayers for Mark to come through this, for hope and faith that God's best could be accepted as "the best" in my life, no matter what it might be. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Surgery day.... what a day! It started earlier than they had said it would which added to my chaotic thoughts. I've been in pre-op rooms many, many times and this was so different. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It felt rushed. They did very little durin gour brief time there and the doctor didn't even come by, so when they suddenly said, give your hugs and kisses, everything in me wanted to scream, it's not time!! I could barely even get I love you out because of my overwhelming emotions. I felt selfish in that moment for not being able to say more or even stand there and watch until they faded down the hallway, but I knew I could only hold it together for so long and I didn't want to fall a part in front of Mark, so away we went. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Waiting on anything is hard...for Christmas to come, for your name to be called at the doctor's office, for school to end, for your grandparents to arrive, for your baby to be born, for morning to come...waiting is almost always hard. For me, waiting in a surgery waiting room with lots of chatter and jokes and laughter is so very difficult. I know folks mean well and it's not something I love about myself, but it's part of my make-up. In this situation with so much weighing on my mind, it was even more difficult. I needed to stay on top of my thoughts. I have said it so many times throughout the past few months, but it was and sometimes still is a constant battle to take thoughts captive. It is as if, my thoughts continue to build, even while carrying on other conversations, then I suddenly feel buried under them. I sat by the window in the furthest corner of the waiting room and watched the sun rise. It was a beautiful day, but I kept seeing the image from a few nights before replay in my mind as I watched the clouds move. When surgery was over and the doctor spoke with us, I was relieved, yet felt something restraining my feeling of relief. After briefly seeing Mark, then a time of waiting, a volunteer took me to see the area I would be able to stay for that evening. He was an older gentleman who was so gracious and kind. He said, oh, lets walk very slowly so you can see your husband, as we neared his room. We did, and it was wonderful. The nurse gave me a smile and nod as we went past. As we returned about 15 minutes later, he again said, we can walk by very slowly, but a nurse interrupted his words as she ran out of room 10 in ICU. She looked at me and said, "Oh good, we need you to come in here right now. Remember when you saw him a bit ago, we talked about more than 250cc of blood lost in an hour? Remember how we said, that would be too much? Well he's lost 200cc in less than 15 minutes. They're clearing the OR and he's going into surgery now. Say your goodbyes, we have to go." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That vision came back, fiercely, in that moment. I kissed his pale face and they unhooked things faster than I thought possible and they began wheeling him away. A surgeon I had never met walked up and said, "We are going to do all we can. We will have to open him back up and we will try to find the source of the bleeding." And suddenly a very busy room, was empty and things were all over the floor. It felt like I couldn't even make my way out, because all I could see was Mark, suspended in the air between Heaven and earth. My feet were lead, but somehow carried me back to the waiting room. There was still family and several friends there in the waiting area and we all began to pray. They held me up and interceded for me and for Mark when we needed it most. The next few hours we mostly sat in silence. Waiting. Every imaginable thought went through my mind... Gracious, what a story God was writing... How would I tell my children that their Daddy went to Heaven?... What lasting effect might he have from this complication?... How does a person leave the hospital without the patient and without ever coming back to get them?... And a hundred and one other questions.... Today, marks a day we can finally say, we are on the "other side of this", but it hasn't come without challenges and even new worries, just tonight. The enemy is relentless in his attempt to derail our thoughts from what God has to what could be. I pray we never let go of the lessons we've learned, the struggles we've made it through and the strength we have received from Jesus!! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Holy Spirit taught me some things through all of this and even more as we went back into the hospital a week later for an infection that could have also, easily taken Mark's life. When we allow it, He works on us while God the Father works in us. I learned a new facet of the scripture in Proverbs 18:21 - the power of life and death are in the tongue. I always understood it to mean, in very simple terms, speak positively. Although I knew this vision wasn't of my own imagination, especially when he began to bleed out, I felt restrained from speaking it to anyone else. Not "giving life" to this by telling Mark or anyone else gave me something that just God and I knew. I could intercede for this, specifically, without letting my emotions get out of control. <u>And I had to do it</u>. Not just for Mark, but for myself as well. In doing this I also realized that the Holy Spirit had gone before the situation and although I didn't <i>expect</i> something bad to happen, I did <i>expect and know with certainty</i> that whatever <b>did</b> happen that day, in the days following or even in days still yet to come, God would not leave me and would be carrying me through moments that felt unbearable. He had prepared me for the unexpected; for the moment I felt as if everything in my life as I knew it might be fading away.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The moments following the call back to give me the report from the second surgery were excruciating. They led me back to an area that looked much like the picture above. It was called the Quiet Room. A room in which I had not previously met the doctor. Post surgery #1, he met us and talked freely in the hallway...this time t</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">hey led me to this doctor's consult room, quietly asked me to take a seat, then shut the door as they walked away.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> On our way there, we walked right past ICU room 10. It was empty. The lights were off. No nurses buzzed around the room. My heart may have stopped beating for a moment. Even as I type this, I feel a weight in my chest that makes it hard to breathe. I honestly have no idea how long I sat there in that room. It felt like hours, yet may have been a mere 5 minutes. With every breath, I asked God to calm my mind and heart. It was the only way I felt I could continue breathing. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> After speaking with the doctor at that time and another surgeon a couple hours later, they both spoke grimly and said, it's still touch and go. Words so hard to hear, yet as I replayed the things that had happened throughout the previous few days, God filled me with strength in those moments and in so many following. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I always try to wrap up with thankfulness but also with something I pray someone will be able to take away and be encouraged by or challenged personally. Our thoughts can run wild day and night, but be aware of what you give life to through your words. Even jokingly, our words carry more weight than we realize. I'm sure most have heard the phrase "battlefield of the mind" and it is absolutely true, but you have the power to give life to it or to kill those thoughts that try to run wild by what you speak and what you hold back. When you don't see it or can't understand it, whatever "it" is in your life, speak the words of God and watch life come to yourself or the situation you are facing. Trust the work God is doing around you. Allow it to prepare you for what He sees is ahead even when it makes no sense. Seeing those images made no sense to me. I hated them, in fact. I wished with everything in me I could unsee them. A few days later, they were the very images that pushed me to pray like never before and trust in what I could not see.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our story is still being written. Our journey to healthier living is far from over. If I'm being honest, the challenges of this disease aren't gone now and will likely always be unless God supernaturally heals. Through it all, we will speak life. We will allow God to prepare us, as He sees fit, for what only He knows is ahead. Some days recovery has felt like we are fading away into the unknown, but we trust that what may be the unknown to man is always known to God. We will continue to thank God for folks, literally around the world that prayed on Mark's behalf as well as those who tangibly touched us during this time of illness. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-54659513082297833302019-09-24T08:28:00.001-07:002019-09-24T08:28:07.413-07:00Strength AND Weakness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is a psychological syndrome that stands out so vividly from my studies in college. I had never heard of it until that particular day in class and immediately felt like all eyes were on me or like I was in a spotlight when we began studying the ins and outs of this problem. It is known as <i>impostor syndrome. </i> I know that there are physical challenges and changes that can happen in our brains and/or body systems that cause true & serious mental and psychological diseases. I also fully believe that because of this, satan lies to us and fights a battle in our minds that often causes us to believe we are captive to issues that aren't really there. Please don't misunderstand my point - there are many real, diagnosable mental or psychological diseases that can affect any one of us, just like physical diseases...but unlike physical diseases, the enemy can mask things in our minds because a scan or blood test can not prove or disprove it and cause us to be crippled by what <i>may be, </i>within our minds. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In no way do I "claim" to have impostor syndrome, but there are times, that the enemy wages a war in my mind that causes me to doubt every positive work, accomplishment or calling God has for my life and family. Many of you have spoken such kind words to me over the course of Mark's illness that have encouraged me and put a smile on my face as I share the things we have seen & felt. We've had the privilege of hearing that others have been challenged in a good way and motivated to keep the faith through troubles they are facing as well. That blesses us and makes me thank Jesus that He is bringing so much good out of this bad situation we've been walking through. There are still days though that I'm overcome with emotions, that I struggle to keep balance, that I don't lay my frustrations at Jesus' feet & don't always think before I speak. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Those times, cause me to doubt. I ask myself if I've even really felt all the things I've been able to share through this blog. And then, on top of that, I can get down over doubting myself and the work God has done in me through all of this. I often think of and fear, in a good way, being like Jonah. Enduring a major struggle {<u>living</u> in the belly of giant, swimming creature seems pretty overwhelming and then being a part of projectile vomit seems like a pretty rough "rescue"}, then finding a way to complete the task God has in front of you, receiving a reward {huge vine growing up before your eyes to provide you shade and rest}, yet throwing it all away because of wrong attitudes and motives...this is NEVER how I want to live my life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yet, when I walk through difficulty, stay strong in faith, and then struggle, I wonder how different am I from Jonah?? Then the enemy piles on the lies and guilt, and feelings of being an impostor flood my mind. As I was reading a devotion earlier today, God gave me a beautiful picture that I hope I can convey to you clearly. My happy place is the beach. I literally feel like I breathe better, I think more clearly & peace flows more freely. I love to watch sea oats and after growing up near the Gulf, I feel obligated to protect them when I see them. Just ask my kiddos how I act if they even get near one...I'm sure they would say I act like a crazy person...haha! Sea oats do a huge job, yet even a gentle breeze can sway them and give them the appearance of being weak. These small stalks though, have roots that do an irreplaceable job. Without these weed-like structures, our beaches would never be able to with stand the continual battering they take from the wind and the waves. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This morning, God so graciously showed me that being blown, feeling emotions and even struggling to stand is not a failure and certainly not an admission of being an impostor. If my roots are deep in Him, then when my emotions show or my frame becomes weak, I'm able to show my weakness and His strength. He is holding onto my roots because I've allowed them to grow deep in Him and He desires that we do everything we can to keep that growth going deeper and deeper. There is no limit to the depth we can go in Him. There is a limit to the physical abilities we can accomplish and the length of life we can live on this earth, but there is no limit to what is unseen, to what happens in our quiet place, that only He and I know about. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you're swaying in the wind, look within, and check your roots. If they are showing, don't give up and allow yourself to be uprooted and fly away. Focus on your roots and on pushing them deeper into our Maker. When we can be honest about our weakness, He can be stronger in us than we ever thought possible! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This week is truly an opportunity to put some more depth on our roots.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We are hoping and praying that this will be the final week of IV meds for Mark. How will we respond if it isn't? How will we respond if it is? Then there are still several things ahead that we will just have to continue to pray and wait for the answer and the plan. One being the incision that just doesn't want to close. Another, will the pacemaker be necessary or not? </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I often pray that I will live with stronger awareness of so many things that God has shown me over the past couple of months & I trust that just as He has kept us and worked through the unexpected, the near death & the unknown for us, He will continue, no matter what may come. A new phase of recovery is on the horizon, and we are thrilled to finally be at this point. We know that cardiac rehab will have it's challenges, but they are worth it for improved physical strength for Mark and knowledge to walk out the future plans God has for us in greater health!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I feel like so many of my endings are the same, but the feelings and heart behind them are always sincere - we are so thankful for all the prayers as well as tangible signs of love and care that have been shown to us. We feel unworthy of it all, but receive it with deep gratitude and pray that the reaping of those seeds sown by so many, will be far greater than imagined! </span>Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-59353722895992932032019-09-16T23:07:00.000-07:002019-09-16T23:07:01.340-07:0040%<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The return address on this manilla folder was not legible and I had no idea who sent it or what might be inside. As I pulled these papers out, it felt as if I was seeing our situation for the first time and tears flooded my eyes as I sat in car line. It has been 8 weeks since we first went to the hospital, yet in this moment, it felt like I was hearing all the difficult conversations that had happened over the month of Mark's hospital stay, all over again. </span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Often times in the middle of the struggle, you are simply in a position of survival. You don't always view the entire road map, so to speak, just the part currently being traveled. I believe God helps us through painful, dark places this way, but at some point, reality comes. The vantage point shows not only where we are, but where we've been & occasionally a glimpse of what is ahead. This was an intense moment of reality for me. Reality of what has been, reality of what can no longer be, reality of not knowing what could be ahead...but also reality of God's goodness. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Those realities brought uncontrollable emotions. Three 100% blockages. 100%. That in itself is hard to grasp, plus three <i>more</i> significant blockages just blows my mind. I couldn't help but think of all the "what ifs" and lately, I do this often. In this situation, I believe it's okay. It's proof of God's protection. Just a few days after hearing surgery was our only option for treatment, we faced the immense difficulties of surgery day. Those are still for another day. Some other time when my heart feels more prepared to open up to that, but there were moments of breathlessness, moments of overwhelming questions, moments of waiting upon waiting upon waiting, moments of emotional heaviness that literally became and still does give an actual physical heaviness in my chest. As we tried to settle into home, I felt an uneasiness and as I watched Mark, I knew something was not as it should be. When we returned to the hospital and the ER doc grabbed my shoulder and thanked me for bringing him when I did, I knew this wasn't an ordinary fever/infection. Again, so thankful for what I didn't know at the time, but as we began to feel that we were climbing out of this pit we had fallen into, and more information became available, I realized a bit more why the ER doctor has made that statement to me two weeks prior... </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">40%. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But a 40% mortality rate is HUGE. How can the same percentage have such a different weight?! The type of infection that Mark has been fighting off has a 40% mortality rate. This number sunk deep within me. With all the other complications he has had, I had a moment of just curling up in bed and crying out to God. It wasn't some deep, faith-filled prayer, it was just a cry of heaviness. A cry for help, for peace & for healing. I read something recently though that put a spark in me and can be applied to big and small situations the same...<i><u>Being certain of the wrong things is what makes faith fall apart, not simply doubt.</u></i> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In my moment, I felt doubt about our situation and doubt that I could adequately care for Mark as he needed for proper healing as well as keep up with all the other needs of a household of 7. But what I was certain of in that moment, even with my doubt, was that God would not leave me. That He saw right where I was and exactly what I needed! What's even better is that I was certain that whatever came, God was in control and would work through it all if we allow Him to do so! I love this quote from George Mueller - we say and sing about walks of faith yet so often do everything in our power to fight the "opportunities" we face that could do more for our faith that any sermon or Bible study could ever begin to do! Be certain of the goodness of God today. You may have doubts about how things can or may turn out, but you can be certain of God's nearness to you, no matter how low the valley may be, how fast the waters may rush around or how dark the night may be. </span></div>
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We are continuing the walk in the certainty of His goodness and plan for our lives, even when the road ahead is blurry. The ups and downs are visible, but the road we've already traveled gives us assurance of His faithfulness. The past week has brought a very welcome shift. The worry of every feeling "normal" again has lessened as Mark has had several days of feeling more like himself finally. His body reminds him fairly quickly that it's still healing, but he and we, are so thankful for this shift. He is still receiving IV antibiotics daily and we pray that his incision will close back up so that when we see the doctor again at the end of the month, he will not need to continue the IV meds. We simply can't say how blessed we are to have so many folks reminding us daily, that they are standing in faith with us and lifting Mark's name to Heaven for total healing.</div>
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Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-4917332002171053162019-09-06T10:07:00.003-07:002019-09-06T10:07:55.686-07:00Transparency<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Transparency is the quality of being easily seen through or, in a business/work setting, is defined as honesty and openness. I've started to blog recently, numerous times, only to shut my computer and set it aside or even shove it under the bed....why? Because transparency is hard for me. Honesty is not hard. The part about being able to see through, to see what's really going on... that is hard. I am a private person in many regards and in our current situation, it's hard for quite a number of reasons. Openness leads to many more questions, unsolicited opinions & concerned thoughts from others that just bring weight or worry and the problem lies in knowing it's most always well-meaning, precious family or friends reaching out to try to help bear the burden during this time. I find myself wanting to sequester with my little {or not so little} crew for an open-ended amount of time and just be. I know that through all of this, God has been working on me. Makes me think of a song I loved to sing as a little girl - "<i>He's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be...</i>" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As I've processed through some of my own insecurities and struggles in these areas, I thought about my transparency with God. So often I tell myself that I'm pouring out my heart, but in reality there is some cloudiness to this declaration of "transparency". God knows it all, yet we so often try to sugar-coat or even overlook things that we need to be open and honest with Him about. Just today I read in Obadiah 1:3 "<i>You have been deceived</i> <i>by your own pride</i>". Pride is definitely an area I'd guess that most people have a hard time being transparent about and here is says that this is the very thing that deceives us! If nothing else, I've certainly noticed my need to more transparent with the One who created me and knows it all already! That brings so much freedom!! I pray that if you find yourself in a similar place of clouded transparency with God, that today, you will begin to clear your thoughts and conversations with God so that He can also bring an openness and flow of His blessings into your life! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So in all transparency :) I'm going to share <i>some</i> of what's been going on. This is not a totally transparent account. There are still many moments and thoughts that have happened since July 24th that I'm working through. Processing. Asking God to help me see His goodness and purpose in every difficult moment. Also praying that God will use those situations and help me share them in a way and at a time that He can receive the most glory! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We've been home {again} for three weeks. In that time we've had five doctor visits, weekly home health visits, weekly medication deliveries, twice daily infusions of IV antibiotics taking 4-7 hours each day, vital signs every morning & evening and that's all just for Mark. We've had to work through some major struggles that our children internalized over the course of this illness as well as some not-so-great habits they created during our time away. We started homeschooling our 6th grader and it has been quite a learning curve for both our now middle schooler and myself. Our foster kiddos came back to us two weeks ago and it has been like starting all over in many ways, except they are comfortable with us and willing to push the limits on most things. They've also had a couple of doctor visits as well as other standing weekly appointments....add homework, kids chores and just the everyday household duties of a family of 7 and some days seem like living in a pressure cooker. We are so thankful to all be back together though and wouldn't change it a bit....well, except for all the laundry ;) I'd be fine with less of that. Hahaha! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">These are the things that are hard for me to share. I'm a bit of a control freak and I admit it...that's the first step to recovery, or so I'm told ;) I know that sharing this often sparks offers of various help and for a control freak, that's hard. I'm still looking for socks and washcloths that my Littles "helped" put away while Mark and I were gone. Hahaha! I mean, how many places in our house could they be hiding. There are also a number of things I feel I'm behind on completing like thank you cards and homeschool schedule, meal plans and my "summer" clean-out. Then I'm reminded of the scripture that tells me to "be still" - "be still and know that I am God". Not in the sense of kicking back and binge-watching 4 hours of netflix when my kids <i>still </i>need socks or there are boxes of meds waiting to be put away or wet laundry has been in the machine for 6 hours, but just in taking a moment, <u>often</u> throughout each day to breath in Jesus. To refocus on Him and what He needs me to do in that moment. What my family needs in that moment. Not the crazy, plan an activity for two weeks out and make a list of all supplies needed kind of need, just simply what do I need to do today. Since we've been home, I've been starting (<i>most days</i>) praying a prayer I've never prayed before. It's kind of become my focus and theme - "Jesus, help me leave nothing <i>undone </i>today, that YOU desire for me to accomplish." I've noticed a great difference on the days I forget to start by making that declaration over myself and I'm thankful for this little phrase that the Holy Spirit brought to me in this time. <u>Nothing undone</u>! In conjunction I'm striving to be totally transparent with myself and with Him each night on how well I accomplished the "undone".</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">To wrap up, we've had so many sweet folks, asking for updates and wanting to know what's going on...all the above are largely why I haven't posted yet, but also because we wanted to get through both doctor appointment this week before we passed anything along. So here's a brief health update on what we've been dealing with, or really what Mark has been dealing with - He is slowly getting stronger. SLOWLY...and that part is hard. Patience is hard at times and in a recovery setting can be so discouraging some days. He still doesn't have much feeling except intense pain in his right foot, which makes walking very difficult. We're on some new meds to try to help with this, so just waiting to see the relief they bring. Last week, his incision opened back up. Not a good thing. We have had two doctors look at this and will be seeing another about it this next week. Due to this and some drainage at the incision site, they have extended his IV meds through most of September rather than ending them this coming Monday as originally scheduled. The picc line that he received medication through has begun to give some problems, the worst being a great deal of pain for Mark in the right side of his chest. We are praying that this will settle down so that we can stay at home and continue to use it for the remainder of his time on IV meds. His CT scan of the abscess looked really good in response to the meds so far, and makes this opening of the site so strange, but man are we thankful that the abscess is so much better. Our visit with his cardiologist this week was an overload of information about changes we need to make as a family, plans for cardiac rehab and potentially placing a pacemaker. We are super thankful for him and know that God chose him just for Mark! I can not express how thankful I am for those that have brought meals during the past three weeks! It seriously has been the greatest blessing as I've been able to spend time with all the kids in the evening and we've gotten back into some sort of routine. It seems so inadequate, but thank you! Also, huge thanks to those that have sent cards of encouragement and financial gifts during this time! You guys have also blessed us tremendously and we honestly pray for God to return the blessing to each of you many times over! We are thankful for all of your prayers, they do far more than anything any of us could ever do!! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-46259093420695292372019-08-23T07:39:00.002-07:002019-08-23T07:39:21.735-07:00Overnight<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">On the afternoon we left our house to "run to the ER", the picture in the IG/FB post was 3 or 4 small vines, wrapping around the bottom of this fencing. When we came home one week ago, the vines had completely covered the entire length of fence multiple times over, grown into the siding on the house and out into the shrubbery in front of the house. Although we were gone for quite some time, the amount of growth and change was remarkable. The vines were so tangled and intertwined that I had to cut the vines from both sides just to free them to be pulled out. These things often seem to take over, overnight. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Reality is though, the multiplication and growth was happening continuously. It was overlooked until "suddenly" it had taken over. Many things in our lives often happen this way... missing a few days of our quiet time, our fitness, our commitment to a healthy lifestyle, our rest, our relationships, our routine and seemingly, suddenly, things are a mess! If we're not careful, the new routine takes over with such ease that we don't even realize the change until it too late for a quick fix. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Sometimes, it's intentionally choosing other things that entangles us, but sometimes, it's just life that can creep up on you. The cardiac event leading to Mark's surgery, happened just this way. Sure there were several symptoms along the way, but honestly, we didn't even see them as such. Anything unusual was brushed off as a side effect of the stress he was under. The first day of July there was a definite "event" that happened and although I was deeply concerned and asked him if we could just find an urgent care (it was our "date day" for our anniversary which had been the day prior), he shrugged it off and said he would just try to rest a bit and see what happened. I chalked it up to an stress brought on by an unexpected message from earlier that day and tried not to worry about it. A little time passed and he said he was feeling better. This event or episode happened again a few nights later and then again once we were home and we decided to have it checked out at the emergency room. After a pricey overnight stay with an echocardiogram & nuclear stress test, the doc on his case gave him a shady answer about the test results, but sent him home to follow-up with his cardiologist. He was placed on a heart monitor for a 30-day observation. We began taking inventory of some things that were symptoms of a problem but we had not even realized it. In fact, we went all the way back to March with one of these episodes.... Less than a week after the heart monitor appointment, we were back in the ER. His heart rate had been high all day and he had felt terrible. He completed his work responsibilities for the day before allowing himself to go home to rest. But rest didn't bring the results we hoped for and his heart rate continued to climb into the 130s while laying down. He felt the company "watching" his heart monitor would call if there was an issue and since they hadn't he kept trying to rest. Finally he had enough and he was probably annoyed at my asking if we could go to the ER so we made arrangements for the kiddos and headed to Gainseville. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There are so many facets of this trial that allowed more vines to quickly grow and could have lulled us into complacency, but God was so faithful in giving us the right questions to ask and sending the medical professionals we needed at just the right moment. The ER doc tried to convince us that this was stress or a panic attack but thanks to a cardiologist that happened to stop by the ER and just dropped in to see Mark, they decided to keep him overnight for observation again. Total deja vu from just 10 days prior but he went along with it and this time, planned for a heart cath the following day. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The cath showed 6 blockages. SIX. Three of which were 100% blocked. Our story could end here and God would receive so much glory for keeping him to this point! I know blockage placement plays a huge role, but there are folks that don't make it with one 100% blockage. Crazy to think that the ER doctor had shrugged his symptoms off as stress, the attending doc less than two weeks prior guessed that what they were seeing was his "normal", in their words, and that the two main tests they had run did not show a major marker of such a serious issue!! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'll share more of our hospital stay later, but for now, just know we are home, seeking quiet, rest and healing as well as making up for missed time with our kids. Every day, I give him two IV antibiotics through his picc line. Home health comes about twice a week to check on him. We have multiple doctor's appointments in the coming days to watch his progress in healing from the heart surgery as well as keep a close eye on the abscess. The goal is to do all we can to keep this infection under control and prayerfully shrinking so that there will not be another surgery in the future. We want to be aware of every little vine that may try to shoot up overnight and get rid of everything that doesn't line up with God's purpose and plan for our lives. If you've whispered even one prayer for us, we are overwhelmingly grateful. For all the blessings that so many have given to us during this time, we call on Heaven to multiply that back to you. We also hope that our story will encourage you to assess the vines growing around your life and keep them in check. God gives us the strength to do what seems impossible when we strive to do it in His strength, not our own! </span></div>
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Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-56688912227520073122019-08-09T07:38:00.003-07:002019-08-09T07:38:54.673-07:00Clarity<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So I know I've thrown up several posts the past day or two that may seem like every single diagnosis has been given to us, so I want to hopefully give some clarity on where we are and how to be unified in prayer with us over the coming days. It's a bit long, so if you just want to know where we are now or how we are praying, then skip to the last three paragraphs ;)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When we came in through the ER Sunday, the initial thought was pneumonia. Any major surgery comes with a risk for pneumonia, especially a surgery in the chest cavity and the fact that they had to go back to the OR and open him a second time causing more soreness and a decrease in his ability to work his lungs really well. Add the fever and the fact that Mark's lungs were junky <i>prior</i> to surgery, it was a pretty obvious diagnosis, or so we thought. Then, because of the severity of the fever and the results of the x-ray and initial CT scan, then said it was likely sepsis and a milder case of pneumonia. Antibiotics were hung immediately and have been going almost around the clock since Sunday. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Monday & Tuesday, fevers continued to be persistent and still pretty high which made the doctors question that the diagnosis of pneumonia and sepsis could be causing all the symptoms he was having at the time & not responding in a typical manner to the antibiotics. In the meantime, chest x-rays were being taken every day and labs drawn every 8 or so hours. They also felt the need to check for blood clots in his legs. Late Tuesday evening I noticed drainage from the top of Mark's chest incision. In fact, it worried me because it was mixed with blood, but if you know Mark, those things don't sit well with him so I didn't say anything, but did watch it, and even got up and looked at it during the night. The next morning, I noticed more coming from the surgical site and mentioned it to Mark. Shortly after this, the NP came in and we told her about the drainage, so she proceeded to see what she could get out of it. I'll just leave that there... poor Mark! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wednesday, the CT (cardio-thoracic) surgical team called in the Infectious Disease doctors to join the case and see if they had suggestions that could help us all get to the bottom of this. After they visited on Wednesday afternoon, a more detailed CT scan was ordered for that night. The first one on Sunday was looking specifically at the lungs, for pneumonia and blood clots, but this next one was for the entire abdomen and chest cavity. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thursday morning started by finding out that the blood clot test revealed a small clot that they will watch, but it is not in the deep vein, which is a very good thing. They also talked about their concern for the portions of both lower lungs that are basically collapsed and need to be worked to prevent from pneumonia. Then the NP for the CT team came in and gave us the results of the CT which definitely threw us. She said a mass of fluid had been found under his sternum which would likely mean a trip to the OR. In an attempt to process and understand what this would entail I asked, "do you mean like major surgery?" To which she responded, well it won't be like we're working on his heart..." Again, not what I wanted to hear, but I then understood she meant to open his chest for a third time. Our minds & hearts were reeling. All we could do was cry and pray. Mark said, please get people praying. And you did. And we can't express our gratitude. We had several hours of heaviness and emotion, but the peace of God truly came and filled our room, our hearts our minds. Just before lunch time, the CT surgeon came in with the NP as promised and we anxiously listened to every word he said, but there was a lot going on in the room. They began setting up for a bedside procedure to pull fluid from his chest to send off for a 48 hour culture. This was an absolute answer to prayer in that moment. Taking time to figure out what's in there as well as just time to process through prayer what could be, was what we needed. (<i>Friday morning we were told they may wait for a 5-day culture before making a decision on surgery</i>)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Later Thursday, the Infectious Doctor (ID) came back to visit and shared her thoughts and spent time just sitting with us and answering questions. We are thankful for the time she spent with us. So here's where things are... the fluid that was collected is from quite a large mass behind the sternum and was sent to the lab for cultures. The problem lies in that fact that he has been on strong antibiotics for 5 days already and the likelihood of something growing is slim. This is a septic infection that is responding to the antibiotics as it should. The problem is that this is basically an abscess and like an abscess in the mouth or on your skin, antibiotics will lessen or remove symptoms while you are taking them, but when the antibiotics end, the infection returns and you're back where you started. Typically, the entire abscess has to be removed to fully clear the problem and her greatest concern is that if it remains the bone itself could become infected causing far greater problems. We asked for another CT at the end of the culture time frame, just to see what things look like before making a surgical decision & she agreed that would likely be warranted. The CT surgical team has not had the same thought process on treatment as the ID team, so this is something they will have to discuss over the next couple of days. We are praying they will be on exactly the same page with the best treatment for Mark, because it will be God's plan, not just their education that leads them to his treatment!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We are asking God to supernaturally remove the fluid/mass/abscess. We are thankful they did not rush him into surgery and as much as we DO NOT want another surgery, we even more want to go home and <i>stay home. </i> We do not want to go home just to have the infection rage again and us end up having to come back. Here's how we are praying and we ask that you join us in a unified prayer: </span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">God, we know that in an instant you spoke and everything we see came into existence, so we know that you don't <i>need</i> time, but for Your glory, would you supernaturally remove this fluid in the waiting. Whether the culture shows growth or not, let the CT scan show the mass gone. Let it baffle every person that lays eyes on the scans. Give us opportunity to share of your love and power at work in our lives! Please strengthen and encourage Mark as we wait. Help us take captive every thought that doesn't line up with healing and the hope of Heaven. Fill us with the mind of Christ. Give us rest in our minds and bodies. Healing for the blood clot. Healing for the lungs that are not wanting to function as your created them to do. Healing for every point of pain from the surgeries. Healing for our emotions. And blessing on every person that has called out our names in prayer, prepared a meal, loved on our babies or given to help us through this time. In the powerful, name of Jesus. AMEN!</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My cousin texted her favorite verse, Exodus 14:14 to me last night. It is one of my favorites as well and one that I use often with my children. "<i>The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still!"</i> This is true clarity. Recognizing there is a battle, but relinquishing control to the One who holds the universe in His hands! Whatever battle you may be facing today is not outside the realm of His control - but only when you release your control over it. Situations like we are in right now cause us to feel totally helpless and out of control but can also help us readily see His ability, because we literally have to sit in an 8x10 room and wait. Everyday life can be tougher though. We want control. We want to fix situations or make them happen on our time frame... Whatever bump, hill or mountain you are facing - stop, be still and let God fight the battle for you. He will strengthen your frame to stand up to the "life" that flies your way, while He fights the battle! Be encouraged, Friends! </span>Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-75208013087598810682019-08-06T02:04:00.003-07:002019-08-06T02:04:50.025-07:00What a response...<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I would guess that if you're reading this, it's because you've heard that Mark is back in the hospital. Let me tell you, we are truly humbled at so many people praying with and for us, checking in through social media and phone. It is a true blessing to be connected to so many wonderful people! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">It is tough to keep everyone "up to date" so to speak and although we prefer to keep health situations private, I'm going to share with you all that's going on right now. We <i>know</i> the power of two or three agreeing and we have that already, but we need to take it to another level. We are speaking to these situations with the authority of Christ living in us and would love for you to join us in this. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I know I still haven't really shared what brought us here to begin with, and I will, but some other time. Saturday night Mark started feeling really awful. He spiked a fever and we were up about every 10-15 minutes for almost the entire night. I really wanted to take him to the ER when I got the first 103.1 temp, but he declined. The next day, Sunday, was Trenton's birthday and Mark was worried about ruining the plans we had for him in celebration of this special day. He tried to be a tough guy and held out until candles were blown out and presents were opened. I know that deep down he was hoping for some vast improvement, but when I checked his temp at this point it was well over 102. We arrived at the ER around 4p Sunday afternoon and they quickly moved him to Trauma 7. Things moved quickly, hard questions were asked...hard for me to hear, but I knew the seriousness of the situation. Labs, blood cultures, x-ray & CT scan were all done in record time. The ER doctor said after his first brief exam and a temp of 103 again, "he will 1000% be admitted". He then put his hand on my shoulder and said, "thanks for bringing him in". </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">He is currently in ICU in the cardiac area. His surgeon saw us mid-morning Monday and said, "The diagnosis, for now, is pneumonia and sepsis. But to be totally honest, I don't fully know what we're dealing with, because the labs & x-ray finding don't fully match up. We will figure this out though." He's had many lab sticks, more x-ray, tests for blood clots in his legs & help from respiratory therapy. We do know there is fluid around his heart, more than should be a week post-open heart surgery. There is also fluid around his lungs and very decreased lung sounds, similar to a partially collapsed lung on his left side, and some findings consistent with pneumonia. Two broad, yet strong IV antibiotics have been being pumped alternately, almost around the clock, since we came in. His fever is not quite as high, but he is not responding to these antibiotics like you typically would. He also received a blood transfusion yesterday and may get another today. He is weak and irritable. If you've been around him very long, you've probably heard the phrase, "I'm over it!" hahahaha, and he is <i>definitely </i> over all of this. He mostly feels like sleeping and is having a tough time staying awake. Any noise or talking are not his friends - it's like every sound is amplified, so I try to speak very softly. I'm also using extra measures to cut down on germs. <i>LOTS </i>of hand-washing and hand sanitizer as well as not really leaving his room much to minimize my exposure to germs in the hospital.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">A few days ago, I started reading Joel. I don't always read through all the "extras" that my Bible has in introducing a new book of the Bible...just depends on what I'm studying at the moment. I'm still early in my digging into this book because, well sleep deprivation, <i>ain't no joke</i>! ;) I can thankfully say that Monday night (the night I'm writing this) I slept from about 12:30 until about 3:30, straight! It was heavenly! But back to Jesus...Joel prophesied to the Israelites in the middle of a catastrophe that threatened their very existence on the earth. Here is Joel, and just like today, there are two very polar perspectives on suffering and they are not dependent on the setting, just on the mindset of the sufferers. When the pressure is turned up and struggles loom larger than life, we usually respond one of two ways...and honestly I don't like the extremes, but I find it true in most any situation:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> 1. We turn to God and are brought into a deeper more intimate, even new, relationship with Him. Here we learn more about His character and discover new facets of His ability and love. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> 2. We turn away. We blame Him or others for the situation we have found ourselves in and if we're not careful, we doubt His existence. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">It's a hard reality to accept that if, in the midst of chaos or hell on earth, we are not entering a new relationship with Him, it's likely we have turned away. We can soften this or we can face it head on. Mark & I (and our families) are facing each moment of this incredibly difficult time in our lives as growth, new relationship and opportunity for God to doing big, new things in and through us! It doesn't matter if your "suffering" is big to someone else or not, if it is difficult for you, then God cares and it's an opportunity for growth! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I will declare that God is Jehovah Rapha. That God is in control. That God has not and will not abandon us. That God did not bring this suffering on Mark, but that He sure can work through it. That we will walk out of this in a new season of relationship with Him, with a deeper love & respect for each other, with more grace, gentleness & time for our children, and with a greater passion & purpose in our ministry! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Thank you for praying!!</span> Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-14170841937137043182019-07-31T20:17:00.003-07:002019-07-31T20:17:46.196-07:00BlurryRemember pictures before the iPhone and digital cameras? You never knew what you would get and often things came out blurry. Yet, we kept so many of the pictures because it was a memory, a special time that we captured on film. The past couple of days are blurry. It's been hard to focus on what day it is or even if it's day or night the past 36 hours. Hard to focus because of the strain of uncertainty and the fears that want to creep in, you know all the "<i>what if</i>" fears. Hard to focus because today's two and a half hour nap was the most sleep I've gotten, at one time, in an unknown number of days... But I don't want to forget these days. There are absolutely parts of them that I pray will fade into forgotten, but others that I want to remember for ever because I've seen God at work in amazing ways....Because we made vows to each other in marriage and those are being tested and through faithfulness to that, God is binding our hearts even closer....Because there are lessons to be learned through every single situation we face.<br />
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The past 24 hours have been tough. Mark is improving, but challenges continue to arise.<br />
His BP is low and heart rate is high. That alone makes him feel crummy without having just been opened up twice in one day! He has had some minor bleeding issues that began just before bed last night and have continued off and on all day. He has been having an allergic reaction to one of his meds causing him to swell in his face, hands & feet. His lung sounds have been decreased. He spiked a fever tonight and has been going from extremely hot to freezing cold. They also found some previously unknown electrical issues within his heart that we're told are not causing any issue right now, but definitely something to watch. Pain meds typically lower BP so they have been quite hesitant to give him full doses and who wants that to happen two days post-op??!! All-in-all, just a tough day.<br />
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We believe these are just obstacles that the enemy has put in out path. So we will continue to fight back against him and watch all things blurry come into view and Jesus makes a way for total healing with minimal pain from this moment on. I want to say to every person reading this, thank you for taking the time to follow-along and lift us up in prayer. Thank you to every person that has helped, in any way - meals, groceries, activities for our kids, taking care of all our kids - keep our home running. We haven't heard any talk of a discharge date at this point, but are hopeful to hear something soon.Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-27945631373527418902019-07-28T06:28:00.005-07:002019-07-28T06:28:44.189-07:00Wheels<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> Have you ever felt like you were in a season where at any moment, the wheels might fall off, but there was still so much road to travel?? It's one thing to travel hard and fast and arrive at your destination and then see you made it and your worked you vehicle to it's max capacity and boom, the wheels fall off as you pull into your destination. I'm pretty sure I've seen this on something my kids have watched somewhere along the way. Like BUgs Bunny or something...Well, that's where I found myself Saturday night. The waiting intensifies the nervous thoughts about the approaching surgery for both, Mark & myself. Our minds are powerful and although we trust our Maker, we're still human and that is why the Bible says to take every thought captive. It's often a moment by moment battle and one that most likely every person reading this is in, in one way or another. Don't give up taking those thoughts captive!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">I spent Saturday night at home with all my kiddos and some of the truest friends we could ever have. Thank you! And while I'm here, thank you to those who have stayed with our kiddos. Who have not only made sure they were safe, but made sure they know they are loved. You know who you are and your reward will be great! Also, to those providing meals so that those keeping things running don't also have to worry about cooking. What a blessing you all are! It was not my idea to stay at home, but Mark was right, after Saturday, I won't be running home freely. So I had a night to run errands, read to my kids, wash clothes, pay bills, prepare the house, pack for the next week....so many little things! </span></span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">My mind was still in the hospital with Mark; my heart was loving on my Littles at home & not having to do all the adult things, but my body just wanted to go to bed - to rest, but also to shut out reality for a few minutes. In those moments for me, it's so easy to be overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed, if I'm not careful, I just sit down. I don't accomplish all that needs to be done or at least give it a go because the thought of all of it just seems too much....the wheels falling off with road left to travel, kind of feeling!</span></span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've found that most stressful times, such as what we're in right now, bring me to this place of needing to constantly remind myself of John 14:1 <span class="versenum" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: normal; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">âDonât let this throw you. You trust God, donât you? Trust me." I often, even in everyday life, think about Matthew 11:30, <i>"For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."</i> But what about those times when you feel you are truckin' down the road He put you on, you are living out the destiny He created you for and you feel as if you have taken His yoke, yet it seems too hard to carry, like the wheels are about to fly off?? I certainly don't have all the answers, but one thing I've learned is there is and will always be a gap between our humanity and the perfection of God, so anytime there is a struggle to carry what's been placed on us, it's an opportunity for us to close that gap just a little. An opportunity to evaluate our hearts and see what areas our trust can grow. These times can be like a pressure cooker and can do more in a short time to grow our faith or strain our faith, and the outcome is truly up to us. I believe that our choice in these times is often what makes us more or less aware of the yoke. Something else I've learned is to just speak your your own heart and remind yourself that if you've traded your yoke for His, then He is keeping you and holding things up that you may never know about and that He is truly holding the real weight of the struggle. He is interceding for us in the throne room of Heaven and that knowledge in itself helps you carry the burden and keeps those wheels rolling until you reach the place of rest that God has already planned for you! </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">Thankfully Mark has had fairly uneventful days here in the hospital. No struggle to breath, no pressure in his chest, no extreme exhaustion - all things that he had been dealing with. When you look at the image from the heart cath, it is SO evident of God's protection and keeping in Mark and our family's life! Today, Sunday is a day that we are just determining to breathe. To enjoy all the moment together, to laugh, to trust. We are setting aside time this afternoon for our families, particularly our kids and we ask that we have time just for them. We still don't have any definite on surgery schedule, but it's looking more likely that it will be sometime tomorrow morning. We ask you to cover our kids & parents, cover our hearts from overwhelming fear and cover the medical team in prayer! We're so thankful for every person that is walking this journey with us through prayer and encouragement!!</span></span></span>Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-59552202972534235132019-07-27T02:42:00.002-07:002019-07-27T02:52:08.411-07:00StonesApparently 4am and I are new BFFs. Ha! It's a great time for me to think, pray, to write....<br />
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This has been on my mind so much the past two days and when I woke, it felt as if I was already thinking about it. Weird. But then again, if it's something God is doing then it's not weird at all. </div>
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For those who don't know, Mark had bypass surgery 9 years ago - not open heart - but bypass surgery for sure. The doctors used a robot to perform the surgery. We would love for you to look back and read all the details in the archives of this blog. June 4th, 2010, the day of Mark's surgery, I came to a realization the the hopes of the past nine months had come true and I was more than likely, finally pregnant. Except, no. Now? Really? Uh, God.....? Let me tell you, seven months later, that little girl came as a burst of joy and light that we needed in a tough time of ministry and well, just life. </div>
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I'll share more later in how this all started with Mark, this time around, but this week, after spending a number of hours in the ER and being moved to a cardiac observation unit, I realized that our first full day in the hospital was the anniversary (if you haven't noticed, I have a thing about dates - ;) of another really tough day. Looking back at the pictures though, it may have been tough, but it brings be joy as well. Our sweet, yet feisty, tiny two-year old had begun having Petit Mal Seizures. It came out of no where and boy was it scary! We went through months of testing and questions with little to no answer as to what was causing them or why they suddenly started. </div>
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Joshua talks about stones of remembrance or memorial stones. Things from a certain event, in the Israelites case, large stones, that Joshua had them place specifically so that they could be used to remind themselves of the faithfulness of God. That's what this picture is for me - a reminder of the faithfulness of God. In fact, as I was driving to the hospital the same morning as realizing what had happened 6 years prior, the song Praise Before my Breakthrough came on in my car and it is perfect! The lyrics say: <i>I'll praise before my breakthrough - Til my song becomes my triumph - I will sing because I trust You - I will bring my heart - I will lift my song</i> // <i>When I'm living out my faith - When I'm stepping on the sea - I know You take my hand - And walk with me // He who came in power - He will come again - He who heals the sick - Won't He move again!</i></div>
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Let's be real here, the tears were flowing, freely and heavily. But I was trading my worry for worship, because this song was so real. It is so real. We praise before we see any signs of what we're asking God for in that moment in time. We praise because we know what He has done in the past so we can be confident about the future. <i>He will come again!!! </i> </div>
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The picture of Kamdyn, although it still pulls the emotions up from deep in my being, is a "stone of remembrance" for me and brings peace. You see, shortly after this picture was taken we has a serious time of prayer and anointing this child to be healed; and for this situation to be a testimony and bring God glory. He did it! He healed her. The doctor's had decided that we were going to have to go on some pretty heavy medications, even though we didn't know the cause. We would just try different things, and that just didn't sit well with me. I asked him to give us a bit more time before we had to start something and God did the work. One day became one week which became one month and she was seizure free and has not had one since October 2013! No meds, just Jesus! </div>
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Today, as we wait...we may be one day closer to things we don't want to have to do. One day closer to overwhelming emotions and facing fears head-on, but I can look back at these stones and see that we are also one day closer to God's healing! One day closer to seeing Him move again and in fact we already have! For Mark to feel as good as he does with the blockages he has, and to take that even further by saying, to have not had anything more major happen than what we've been dealing with, is truly a miracle! </div>
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Pre-surgery protocols have begun and I would be lying if I said each time they come in to add to that agenda or talk about it, it doesn't shake our insides just a bit. We don't have to say it to each other, we just know. Good thing we also know how God has shown Himself faithful over and over in our lives. I'm not sure if the lingering unknown of the actual surgery date & time is better or worse, but it is what it is. We were told to plan for Monday morning and that seems to be the direction this is going.<br />
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I'll be pulling up every stone of remembrance in my mind over the next two days to help myself. Maybe you need to scroll back in the filed away images and stories of your life to encourage yourself! God certainly uses His people to bring encouragement. So many of you have done that and are continuing to do that for us and we are truly thankful! But if you can't encourage yourself in your faith, ask God to help you. The enemy is so very cunning and seems to know right when to come at you, when your most alone or at your weakest, so arm yourself with some stones. Not only are they faith boulders for you to stand on, you can use them like David when he faced Goliath. There is no demon in hell that can stand against a stone collected from a past situation God brought you through!! Be encouraged! Keep praying for us. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuWnBof3JAbJ34QMa7E4RAoCiDt2afeFmdpIFy-m38qfsCovT9xtwCIkZUCRzTkXpClqhyphenhyphenWz4sm_an6zf0hyphenhyphenZxYNrmRJ_kr9c1_0_mdGWJHe9M7XuHoAoZ1TK7LFOI7Dj0CVrMjaQVDeA/s1600/IMG_0261.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1156" data-original-width="828" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuWnBof3JAbJ34QMa7E4RAoCiDt2afeFmdpIFy-m38qfsCovT9xtwCIkZUCRzTkXpClqhyphenhyphenWz4sm_an6zf0hyphenhyphenZxYNrmRJ_kr9c1_0_mdGWJHe9M7XuHoAoZ1TK7LFOI7Dj0CVrMjaQVDeA/s320/IMG_0261.jpg" width="229" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This was a sleep study done on Kamdyn, 6 years ago (July 24th). <br />
It felt unbearable to watch the fear overtake her as fear welled up inside of me at what this study might reveal. <br />
Not only was it hard in that night, but my amazing little sleeper who had slept through the night for almost two whole years by this time, went for a solid NINE months after this, never sleeping more that 2 hours at a time. <br />
She would wake in a full panic, just like she did on this night. </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Little bundle of joy! I had to include this one too, because the other is just too sad. <br />
This was right after she was hooked up to all the leads and prior to the stuff that had to go in her nose and over her mouth. The smiles faded quite quickly when those things were added. <br />
We actually had very little sleep this night, and in a moment of exhaustion and frustration <br />
[because at 3:55 am, they were mentioning bringing us back in another night to redo]<br />
I practically begged her to go to sleep and we could go to the park the following day. <br />
I saw this sweet little grin reappear when we got in the car to go home about 7a and she said, <br />
"Remember today is our park day!"<br />
We celebrate the life God has given us!</td></tr>
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Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-73436094209839408272019-07-26T03:04:00.001-07:002019-07-26T03:04:06.926-07:004:30AM is TOO early!Do you ever feel like you just <i>have </i>to ask <i>WHY? </i>As a Mom, I have said, "don't ask why?", countless times to my children. As followers of Christ, we are often told, don't question God, don't ask why. . . But is it true for you as well, that sometimes, even when you don't verbalize <i>why</i>, the question fills every space in your 3 pound brain??<i> </i>It certainly is for me. Mark would probably agree that I can unintentionally be so frustrating because I'm often trying to throw out the other perspective in most every situation. Even the ones I don't like. We're such complex beings and as I continue to learn more about myself, I've come to realize that not only do I want to consider the other perspective so that I am not self-absorbed, but I now believe the greatest reason is a need to find balance. Sometimes the scale tipping so far in one direction can seem unfair & even wrong.<br />
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In those moments of viewing situations like a scale, it can be overwhelming. Self-pity and all kinds of negative can flood into our minds and overflow into our hearts if we're not careful. This morning, and I use morning loosely because 4:25 is night time, there was a knock on the door and you say to yourself, do I really say come in? or who is it? at this hour?? [as the door opens anyway]<br />
Our sweet, little tech comes in smiling and says, "time for your EKG" and in that moment, you ask yourself, WHY??? Why at 4:30 in the morning? For this situation, I could not even come up with a valid opposing point, because I was too distracted by the frightening image of myself when I opened by camera app and to my surprise saw a very puffy-eyes, pale-faced version of myself because my camera opened to selfie-mode. Yikes!! I quickly thought, I should totally get a disguise or something because I'm going to scare this poor girl! Haha! But even quicker, turned that camera mode around! I'll probably never know why, on this one, but Mark fell back asleep fairly quickly and then the nurse came in to apply a new nitroglycerin patch and he is now sleeping again, so all is well. (Especially if we can get a nap later!)<br />
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In all transparency, a much bigger why looms in our minds, even though it has remained unsaid.<br />
Why again?<br />
Why so bad, so fast?<br />
Why now?<br />
Why did this happen in the midst of many other challenges in our life? <br />
The beauty of a why is this, God isn't scared off by a why? God isn't repulsed by our questions?<br />
He doesn't turn His face away because our finite minds can not fathom His infinite view of our lives. He doesn't write us off because in our questions, we often misplace His role in the challenges that come into our lives. There are two guys in the Bible that immediately come to mind when I think of being real about the situations of life - Job & David. These guys definitely didn't always get it right, but one was restored to <i>more than</i> he ever lost and the other was called a "man after God's own heart". This tells me that when I go to God with honor, even with my transparency, flaws and questions, He responds with love and such a nearness that huge shifts take place in the atmosphere and life is changed. Although my mind has many whys, my heart remains steadfast that whether or not He gives me the answer to every question, He will most certainly fill me with hope to continue on regardless! <br />
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A huge why, I've asked is why is it so hard to get this surgery scheduled? Last night I was leaving my house and heading back to the hospital, which is my routine for now so that I can spend a few moments with all the kids before bed, my son walked me to the car and then asked if he could pray with me. My heart exploded with such joy that he #1. realized the source of our hope and strength lies in Jesus #2. cared about his Momma's heart and sensed the weight I was feeling. In part of his prayer he prayed that surgery would be Friday, today. As he concluded, I told him how proud I was of his faith and prayer even though I know he is struggling with all of this as well. I also shared with him that it we already knew that surgery wouldn't be today and without realizing what I was saying, I told him that it was okay because we want <i>the best</i> medical team for our guy! I know they are all skilled, but that God knows exactly who needs to be in that operating room for Daddy's needs and we want those people on whatever day that may be. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I felt a little stinging in my heart and knew the Holy Spirit wanted to show me something. I felt him opening my eyes to a truth that God often places the answer to our whys inside of us, but we are looking everywhere else for the answer or don't make the choice to see past our own reasoning. I've been asking folks to pray for Friday for a multitude of very valid reasons, but God has a greater plan and we are going to rest in that.<br />
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The exact surgery date is still up in the air - surgeon said, Monday <i>or</i> Tuesday...likely Monday.<br />
So we wait. The Bible tells us to wait with hope, so that's what we're going to work on doing. <br />
Today, Mark will have some testing to locate the best arteries for his bypasses. Also, the medical team noticed a few challenges in lung function and want him to work on increasing that over the next couple of days to be sure we don't have any opportunity for infection to settle there. There is an answer to every why. We have to work to get to the place of confidence in Christ that we trust Him fully and even if we never get the answer, we can confidently say that He is good! <br />
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I am praying that each person that reads this will stop beating themselves up because they've asked why, and if that's you, that you'll go to the throne room of God and lay your whys at His feet. We often hurl them across the room at His face, but when we take them to Him and lay them down, He responds with such comfort & beauty! I ask you to pray for encouragement for Mark as we wait, health in his lungs, ease in finding the vessels they need and strength - physical and emotional - for us, our children & our families!Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-56534867096121173762019-07-25T04:28:00.002-07:002019-07-25T04:28:11.074-07:00Life in ParallelI truly love to blog. I'm just terrible at it. I told myself I'd do better once we became a foster family because I knew there would be plenty to write about. Although there may not have been many truer statements, an even truer statement would be how do I find the time? This post actually isn't directly related to foster care, yet it plays a role in bringing these thoughts into my mind....<br />
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Life lessons have been flying at me at an incredible pace now that we are fully immersed in this foster care world...the struggles, the joys, the heartbreak, the confusion, the work, the volume, the waste, the needs, the challenges, the blessings. All a beautiful and necessary part of this calling.<br />
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On a recent Friday morning after a definite late night and a super early morning, I was flying solo, with literally a thousand thoughts racing through my mind. Somehow all five kiddos were dressed, fed & out the door by 7:45 with Momma working on about 2 1/2 hours of sleep & STRESSED! After dropping everyone off at the appropriate locations, I began thinking and praying about my day. The uncertainties that were just ahead. The unknowns ahead. The questions... A thought consumed my mind suddenly, a thought of, "OH NO!! I've been here before!" The word <i><b>parallel</b></i> immediately came to mind. Often everyday things I see come to life and an analogy or new thought comes through it. Similar, yet opposite of a word picture, so a picture word??? Whatever...haha...you get the idea.<br />
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So this <i>picture word</i> đ came together as I was driving down a four lane road and my eyes glazed over, probably from lack of sleep, at the parallel roads while my mind was swirling with the familiarity of this place I suddenly found myself. Moments in life that suddenly feel parallel are those where although the "names & places" may be changed to disguise it as something new, it looks, smells and feels like the same old vine growing up around you. For me, in that moment, it felt as if the vine was beginning to choke the life out of me. I could see myself wanting to fight the pressure of the vine, wanting to push it off so it couldn't squeeze and entangle me to the point of no movement, but the parallelity of the moment caused me to surrender to the vine as it wrapped itself around my heart and mind. It felt as if I had almost unknowingly slipped into a whirlpool swirling down slowly and deeply. Like the end of a movie that slowly fades to a blank screen. Everything felt like too much.<br />
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Here's the best part though - the Comforter, <i>MY Comforter</i>, the Holy Spirit, went right with me and began speaking life and encouragement to my sinking heart. In that swirling, light-fading moment of fear and doubt that made we want to just say, it's all too much, beauty began to come out of the ashes. God so sweetly spoke to my heart that parallels happen in life. Some are more obvious than others. Reality could not be denied that this parallel was huge. Reality is that this parallel <i>IS</i> crippling without Him. Reality is that the first time through these similar situations already forever changed me, so what now? God said to my heart, <i> reality is, this IS overwhelming... in human strength. But you have mine, so what are you going to do with it?</i><br />
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I began to feel the vine loosen. The depth of the swirl lessened. As I processed through these images and words I came to realize that parallels are two places in life that feel so similar you sometimes have to pinch yourself, but they also have two choices, that initially feel parallel, but wait, watch the difference! You see, it is natural to become crippled by fear, worry, anxiety, dread. To began to replay the familiar from past life experiences. Our human nature sets us up for that, but as Christ followers, we are not restrained to live only by our human nature. We can access the heart and mind of Christ and choose the path that says, oh yes, this is all to familiar and there is NOTHING in me that wants to travel this way again, but I can and I will because I've been here before and I know the provisions and promises that God kept last time through. The scars from the last experience help remind me that God brought me through. No parallel situation can take that away. When I feel heavy with emotion, that's okay. I recently read something from a friend who reposted this by @HappySonship ( I don't follow him or know anything about his life, but this is fire) <u>"Jesus knew Lazarus would rise again. Still, He wept. Because embracing pain is not negating faith. It's actually part of being in the likeness of God. So have hope, but don't deny your emotions. Pay attention to them. Feel what you feel... <b>And enjoy the coming resurrection</b>"</u>!!! <br />
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Jesus knew that <u>He</u>, himself was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, yet he wept at the realness of his death! I can feel overwhelmed at the realization of what lies ahead, but I am not overwhelmed because I know God has gone before me. He carried me through last time and now we can walk this path together. There will be moments where he has to pick me up again, but my legs are strengthened and my heart is sure of His care and nearness to me. I am praying as I write that if you are in a similar place to me, that instead of dread, trade it for confidence in Christ. Be assured that bumps and bruises are just part of the journey, but you can keep putting one foot in front of the other knowing that healing will come and you will be stronger through Him!!<br />
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When I began writing this, I was simply going to end here, because at the time, I didn't have any answers or direction or plan to a huge part of our current situation, but now we do and I'd love to share briefly... my favorite person in the whole world is sick. We found out yesterday afternoon that Mark has an 85% blockage in the artery on the right side of his heart and the entire portion of artery along the back of his heart is 100% blocked. June 4th, we celebrated 9 years since his first bypass surgery and it hurt my heart to hear that he needs to have the full open heart surgery to fix these problems. (You can go back to the beginning of this blog, not this post, to read our story and how it all unfolded then.) God's not finished with our story and although I wish with every fiber of my being that this wasn't being written in to our story now, I trust that no matter what comes our way, God will bring good out of it and we just want Him to get glory from our lives! <br />
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It's 4am and I'm sitting beside him as he restlessly tries to sleep. We don't know when surgery will be. We need rest & quiet. We are humbled at the people already praying. We don't mind anyone knowing details, but appreciate privacy and time to process it all and prepare for this season of healing. I will post details here as we know them. We ask for your prayers for peace for our hearts. We ask for your prayers for our sweet babies, Trenton & Kamdyn - they are scared. Trenton was 22 months old when we walked this road before. They want to be with us and don't understand the time or process it takes to get better. Pray for our foster kiddos as they've been through so much in their short life. We are doing all we can to lessen any strain this would cause on them. <br />
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Don't be discouraged. God is in every parallel & He wants us to choose the path that says I can walk this way, because I've done it before and His faithfulness carried me through! We're choosing that path. Pray that our faith will remain strong!!Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-87076634395361273532018-09-27T21:33:00.002-07:002018-09-27T21:43:20.890-07:00WHAT'S THE NEWS?!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i><span style="background-color: #20124d; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22.8571px;"> "True spirituality that is pure in the eyes of our Father God is to make a difference in the lives of the orphans, and widows in their troubles, and to refuse to be corrupted by the worldâs values." James 1:27 TPT </span></i></span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This news I want to share, really this calling, has been hard for me to share on the social media platform. Not because I have any doubts about what we are embracing, but because it feels so heavy and humbling, sacred really. Although caring for "orphans" is a Biblical mandate for every Believer, not every one is called to be a mother or father, sister or brother, because we are all a part of one body, with many different roles to play. We however, have heard God's prompting and chosen to say yes to those living as orphans within their own homes. To join many families in the fight to restore hope and love to children in the foster care system. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">God began stirring my heart to the need a number of years ago. In fact, adoption was a topic of conversation before Mark and I even became parents. Mark and I had our lists - lists of international places we wanted to adopt a child from, but it just never seemed to "fit". We knew this was our desire, but likely not His. </span>Many questions or even worries seemed eased over the years as we spoke to different friends who fostered and then adopted and it was through those casual conversations that seeds were planted. Three or so years ago, I was ready to say yes. I wanted to jump in, but I was looking at my timeline, not God's. So we waited. Through a God orchestrated series of events over the past year, in unity we knew, the time is here to begin the process. </span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">God has so beautifully gone before us to prepare the hearts of our own little Loves. They openly accepted this call even before Mark and I took the first steps towards this new life. We are asked weekly, if not daily, when they get to be a foster brother and sister. There have been so many little nudges from God that just blow my mind!!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Our HomeStudy begins in the next couple of weeks - this is the final stage of the process to become a licensed foster home. We are aware that this journey will be full of countless unknowns, unforeseen challenges, heartache and even heartbreak, but God. He is our strength and we believe that although we may be the ones down in the trenches, there are many others that can help fight for these precious ones. So we ask our friends and family to fight alongside us. We may have to say no to more things. We may need an ear to just listen or shoulder to cry on. We may need an Aaron and Hur from time to time. So I ask you to pray that God will continue to work in us to mold us into all He needs us to be. Pray that He will provide all that we need to set up our house properly. Pray for our children; they know so little about the real need of these children yet love and pray for them often. Pray for the foster children - some days I'm overcome with emotion, wondering if these children - still nameless and faceless to me - are getting breakfast before school, or if their diaper is being changed regularly or if they are safe from their parent's significant other. Mark reminded me that God brings them to my mind to pray, not to worry. Will you pray with me?</span></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><i>When others run away, we will run in! In to hurt, in to loss, to sacrifice, to pain and confusion. In to a world totally unfamiliar and unknown to us, yet strangely home because it's God's plan, not our own. In to the world of foster care. </i></b></span><br />
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Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-70676197813821612012018-09-18T21:23:00.001-07:002018-09-19T20:44:21.510-07:00In Pursuit...<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> I love that God pursues us. Jesus left Heaven to come to earth for you and me, and I'd say, that's a pretty serious pursuit. But so often in my life I haven't really <i>felt </i>the pursuit? Like those times when you <i>feeeeel</i> eyes on you... when you look down to see your pup staring at you from under the kitchen table, or your child has crept out of bed and is peering around the corner at you, or you walk into a restaurant and even without making eye contact, you feel every eye in the place on you. <i>(</i></span><i><span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">(kinda creepy - haha))</span><span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></i><span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"> You can know someone is watching you because you </span><i style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">feel</i><span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"> those moments. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Have you ever <i>felt</i> God in that way, or just felt Him pursuing you at every available opportunity?? Here's what I've learned through some situations over the past couple of months. He is ALWAYS passionately pursuing us, we just often don't have our focus on Him enough to see, hear or feel His pursuit. </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">When divorce happens or an unexpected death occurs or a diagnosis that changes your everyday life is given, or even just words spoken to us, who we are and who we're created to be often, begins to be questioned. Lately,</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> without realizing it, I began to question who even am I and what am I supposed to be doing?? (<i>PS - More on that...soon! In an upcoming blog ;)</i> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Post-it notes of scriptures, prayers and messages from family/friends have been such a blessing and certainly part of God's pursuit. But there is one song in particular, "You Say" by Lauren Daigle, that, for a span of 3 weeks, was literally been the <i>first</i> song that played every time I opened Pandora, it was the first suggested video when I opened YouTube and it played on the radio every single time I passed a particular location, no matter that time of day. It was a beautiful hug from God and as it played, I could hear Him say I'm here, these words are true, pursue Me as I pursue you! Be who God the Father says you are and don't let the thoughts the enemy puts in your head cause you to doubt who I say you are! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I read something recently that has impacted me strongly - Lisa Harper said, "the veil between you and Christ becomes thinner as you walk through trials and lean hard into Him"; and I can attest to the truth of this statement! It's the passionate pursuit of us, His children that becomes tangible. It's His nature, His heart, the standard of His love for us, yet we're so often too busy. Too okay. Too set. </span><span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">Too focused on our own plans.</span><span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">Too all figured out, to see, hear and feel His pursuit!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Today, let down your barriers, allow yourself to see His pursuit of you! Knowing His love and pursuit in your head it vitally important in your everyday walk and talk as a Christ-follower, but getting to feel His love is life itself! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3318273789733319057.post-16475935860982875422017-06-04T18:52:00.000-07:002017-06-04T18:52:00.689-07:00PURSUED THROUGH PAIN<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you're reading this then that means you didn't give up on this post because of the title. Haha, awesome! There are probably many though that thought, ugh, what a bummer topic. Stick with meâŚ<i>please ;)</i> </span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My son <i>loves</i> to make me cringe by using the worst grammar, intentionally, but since it fits so well here, I'll say this in his words, "<u>Pain ain't fun</u>!" Three weeks ago, our family was in a car accident. The pain of recovery has been real. Throw in moving, and you have a recipe for slow recovery, sleepless nights & PAIN. For the first week and a half, the cracked & bruised ribs woke me up often each night and most nights I found myself pacing the floors, praying for daylight. Some times those "worst times" can become the "best times" if you're open to it, and that's my story here. I'd love to say I always take that approach, but then I wouldn't be being honest with you. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">About two weeks after the accident, as I walked around our dimly lit house, several hours before the kids would even begin stirring, I realized that I had been able to have some of the best moments with Jesus in those 4a - 5a hours. I began looking at my pain in a different 'Light'. Father God had been using my pain to pursue me in those early morning hours. In accepting His pursuit, my focus shifted from the reason of my waking, to the purpose that it could be used to fulfill. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The first part of Romans 8:26 says, "And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness". Pain brings weakness and an opportunity for help from our gift sent from Heaven, the Holy Spirit. Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:19, "Perhaps you think we're saying these things just to defend ourselves. No, we tell you this as Christ's servants, and with God as our witness. Everything we do, dear friends, is to strengthen you</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">". I know for certain, that if we allow it, <b><i>EVERYTHING</i></b> submitted to Christ can and will be used to strengthen us!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">There is great potential in pain. The first thing that pain does is slow us down, right?? If you're like me you immediately say, where's the potential in that? Whether it is physical pain, which can<i> literally</i> slow you down, or emotional pain, many things in life fall behind or often just have to pause because of the pain we are experiencing. Unfortunately, I get so caught up in life and on more than one occasion, I have had to go through something to grab my attention to slow down. At times, even force me to slow down. Pain can do that. Pain <i>has</i> done that in my life. It can also help us be more reflective, more sensitive & more appreciative. I believe that those traits are vital to a thriving walk with Christ, yet are so often the first things we let go of when the busy and crazy takes over. Pain will cause you to appreciate things you so often have taken for granted. It will help you be sensitive to the needs & hurts of others but also to what God is doing around you. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">My physical pain from the wreck brought about all of these things, but there was another time in my life when my pain was emotional. Pain from stress, from uncertainty, from worry, from exhaustionâŚtoday, June 4th, marks 7 years since Mark's heart bypass surgery and heart attack less than 12 hours after surgery. It was a time of great pain for me. Not physical, but deeply emotional. I was 27 years old, married less than 4 years, a mommy for less than 2 years, a mommy to be again for only a couple of weeks, financially uncertain woman whose life went upside down and inside out in a matter of minutes. Through it all, God pursued me. He used the pain I was experiencing to reach deep into my soul. To change me & show me a love that I had not yet fully experienced. </span></span></div>
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<h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 20px;">
<span class="text Rom-8-31" id="en-NLT-28109" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Nothing Can Separate Us from Godâs Love</i></span></span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span class="text Rom-8-31" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Arial; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">31 </span>What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?</span> <span class="text Rom-8-32" id="en-NLT-28110" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Arial; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">32 </span>Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, wonât he also give us everything else?</span> <span class="text Rom-8-33" id="en-NLT-28111" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Arial; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">33 </span>Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No oneâfor God himself has given us right standing with himself.</span> <span class="text Rom-8-34" id="en-NLT-28112" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Arial; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">34 </span>Who then will condemn us? No oneâfor Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at Godâs right hand, pleading for us.</span></i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span class="text Rom-8-35" id="en-NLT-28113" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Arial; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">35 </span>Can anything ever separate us from Christâs love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?</span> <span class="text Rom-8-36" id="en-NLT-28114" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Arial; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">36 </span>(As the Scriptures say, âFor your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.â<span class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-NLT-28114a" data-link="[<a href="#fen-NLT-28114a" title="See footnote a">a</a>]" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans+8%3A31-39&version=NLT#fen-NLT-28114a" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; box-sizing: border-box; color: #b34b2c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote a">a</a>]</span>)</span> <span class="text Rom-8-37" id="en-NLT-28115" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Arial; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">37 </span>No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span class="text Rom-8-38" id="en-NLT-28116" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Arial; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">38 </span>And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from Godâs love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,<span class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-NLT-28116b" data-link="[<a href="#fen-NLT-28116b" title="See footnote b">b</a>]" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans+8%3A31-39&version=NLT#fen-NLT-28116b" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; box-sizing: border-box; color: #b34b2c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote b">b</a>]</span> neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrowânot even the powers of hell can separate us from Godâs love.</span> <span class="text Rom-8-39" id="en-NLT-28117" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Arial; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">39 </span>No power in the sky above or in the earth belowâindeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. </span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span class="passage-display-bcv" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; display: inline; margin: 0px; padding-right: 10px;">Romans 8:31-39</span><span class="passage-display-version" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; display: inline;">(NLT)</span></i></span></h1>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">Don't skip over verse 31! See how it says "wonderful things"? I've learned that the first step in being pursued is to take the approach that is positive, even when the situation would suggest otherwise. Not living in denial, that doesn't open you up to anything. Instead, <i>look</i> for good to come from your situation! Expect it, plan for it, hope for it, pray for it!!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">Whether you're in the midst of a time of pain or can go back in the memories of past pain and remember the depth of it, let these verses from Romans open your heart to being pursued by a loving Father that loves you more than you'll ever fully understand. So much so that He wants to take your pain and turn it into something beautiful. Like those "become of tree after you die" adsâŚhave you seen them? Honestly, I can't take their slogans and ads, they're just weird! But the concept is the same as the truth of God's purpose in our painâŚashes to beauty, sorrow to rejoicing, tears to joy, Death to Life! If you want it, purpose and even new life can grow from your pain! </span></span></div>
Whitney Whitakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17450759518596711824noreply@blogger.com0