Let The Waters Rise

(Written Wednesday morning ) Song on Pandora this morning fits this day, week, month of my life. Let the waters rise....still I will follow You. There's a raging sea right in front of me, wants to pull me in, bring me to my knees, so let the waters rise if You want them to....I will follow You! A few weeks ago, through a truly miraculous discovery, doctors found a tumor on my Dad's kidney. From what I understand, this type of tumor is almost always, cancer. No close family members have ever been diagnosed with cancer and I found it hard to even say that it appeared my Dad has cancer. Strange feelings for me...I can't imagine what has been running through his mind the past few weeks. Today, he is having surgery and the Dr will be removing the tumor and part of his kidney if necessary.

(Thursday morning) Well, we are praising God for a successful surgery and for a positive outlook for the future! The tumor was sitting on top of the kidney and made removal fairly easy. The Dr had some difficulty with dissecting which blood vessels needed to remain and which they could sever but blood loss was not severe and the Dr was very pleased with it all. Today Dad is up walking and sitting up in a chair, even going to try to get a shower soon. One Dr thought he may be able to go home today, but the other Dr's and Mom & Dad felt it would be best to remain one more day/night just to be sure healing is on the right track and there won't be any complications with his diabetes.

For family & close friends who were unaware of all of this....it started just a couple of weeks ago through a visit to his cardiologist. I won't go through every detail but a "spot" was found on an abdominal ultrasound. A CT scan was done 1 1/2 weeks later that confirmed the spot was a tumor and surgery was scheduled for 2 weeks later (yesterday). It all happened rather quickly and because of the type of tumor, everyone involved wanted it to be removed as quickly as possible. Although this type of tumor often spreads, typically you don't find it anywhere else until it reached about 7cm in size...the one removed from Dad was only 2 cm! I am are so thankful, first to God for His hand on Dad's life but also to the Dr that didn't create hysteria, but also dismiss a complaint and was proactive about figuring out what was going on!

We don't know what the road ahead holds....but then, none of us do. We continue to trust God, give our fears to Him and know that He knows what's best even if it doesn't make sense to us.

"Don't make the mistake of thinking the situation you're in right now is random. God has a purpose for everything that happens in your life." @MaryAlessi

Reflections

I wasn't able to blog about it over the weekend, but the past 2 days were filled with bittersweet emotions. Saturday, June 4th was one year since Mark's surgery. I am so blessed to have him by my side and I am so thankful that God chose him for me! Dealing with sudden health issues opens your eyes to how fleeting life on earth really is and how much can change in such a seemingly routine day.

The past week and a half we have been moving and it's easy for me to get into a mode where I want to get it all done and forget everything else that's going on in life at the moment, but reflections over the past weekend reminded me that although the stuff needs to get done, it can't be at the expense of missing a snuggle with my babies, a heartfelt conversation with my husband or just a moment of allowing God's peace to refill me.

Reflections can cause you to run away or make a change. I am choosing to make changes. If you don't like what you see in the mirror, but choose not to look, you've accomplished nothing, but if you decide to evaluate what's there, you can create a plan to change. For me it's the same with reflections about life...if I choose to ignore and not deal with reflections or I just focus on them without looking into them to see what God wants to do through them, then I live a life of fear, shame and even regret. Dealing with reflections and revisiting emotionally hard times allows God to make something beautiful through struggles, and free our hearts of pain, sadness, guilt or hardness!

Summer has begun, it's a new season and as we've made some changes in our life, my goal is to live more and more proactively instead of reactively. The last 2 1/2 years I fell into a rut of just being reactive - this can definitely give you a "victim" mentality and that's one that completely turns me off. One that I fear, I have emulated during this time period, and it's time to get back to being proactive. To taking authority over some things in my life....with God's help I can!

Boxes

There is so much going on in our little world! First, in case you haven't heard, we are moving.... the new house is just a couple of miles down the road, but meets a lot of needs that our current house doesn't and is a foreclosure, so we hope it will be a great investment. We still haven't closed though - we're going on 2 weeks past our original closing date with no real idea when this will actually happen...something that you know is very likely, but is still so disappointing when it happens. We started packing some things over a month ago and some things we've never unpacked at this house, so the boxes are beginning to multiply. I'm a planner and like to plan out exactly where everything is going to go and have everything organized in the boxes. Not to mention, having a plan for wrapping up things in the current house and transitioning to the new one. The Bible teaches about our "well laid plans" and how it's all truly in God's control...well that's so true :) We had visions of cleaning, painting, leisurely moving & organizing, before the official moving day... now we're less than a week and a half from "moving day" and still haven't even closed. Guess we'll be cleaning and moving and unpacking all at once and the painting - well, guess we'll have to take it a room a weekend once we move in. It's interesting, packing up all your "stuff" and realizing how temporary it all is, though. Not just the individual items, but also life...

Most people know about all the challenges in our lives last Summer, and although our lives forever changed, we eventually returned to a more normal state. Although, each month, when I refill prescriptions I have a little reminder, at some point we began living like we had overcome this great obstacle and would never face it again. I have studied and read and know that conditions like Mark's don't just magically go away, but once he fully recovered, I felt like, with a few changes of lifestyle, we could breathe again and hopefully wouldn't face this again for at least 10 years.

Well, some things have come up with his heart in the past few weeks and we don't know that outcome of everything (tests, ect) and obviously what treatment may be required, but it has definitely brought up a world of emotions that are not welcome and all too familiar. Last night, I was thinking about all that's going on in our lives right now and it made me wish that I could just pack up some of my emotions & fears & uncertainties in a box, tape it up and not come back to that box for years...but that is not reality. There's a song that's played a lot right now called "Blessings" by Laura Story and it has totally become my theme song. For anyone who is going through a low place in life or a time when things don't "add up", or maybe you just feel like "life" is trying to take away your joy, you should listen to this song. I don't like feeling out of control and this is most definitely one of those, "totally out of my control" issues. All we can do is pray & wait & trust that God's blessings come in ways we don't understand, through people we never expect & at moments that seem impossible!

Back to life...

So I'm trying to bring my blog back to life! As I've said in the past, I find my self "blogging" weekly, sometimes daily in my head. Anyway, this is a resurrection of this blog :)

Kamdyn Reece joined us just 3 days after my last blog. I knew I wan't feeling like myself the 19th of January and each day that passed let me know that something was up...my water broke January the 21st and almost 18 hours later, our sweet Kamdyn joined us! We are so blessed by her. She is a sweet, sweet baby. So laid back and just doing well in every way. She has rolled over both ways and is doing great with her feedings, playing, sleeping schedule. It's such a beautiful thing to see the love between Trenton & Kamdyn at such a young age and early point in their relationship. I know they will have plenty of times when they don't get along or disagree, but for now, I'm just loving every moment of watching them stare at each other and smile!

This Mother's Day was so special! Mark really made me feel loved and appreciated. It is different being the mom of two now...Mother's Day, that is. Not sure if other moms have experienced this feeling, but it's like you have fully submerged yourself into motherhood! Not that you can't be a great Mom of just one, but there are so many things you have to juggle and love to share once you add your second and it made me enjoy Mother's Day all the more. I have also really been challenged, in my spirit, to strive to be the very best Mom to Trenton & Kamdyn! This is the hardest and very best job in the world and I'm so thankful it's mine!!

I MUST get to bed...it's 1:45am and tomorrow is a big day! First baby arrives at 5:50am....

Any day....

It's official - I can't get off of the couch, or really any chair, without a struggle ;)

I still have a number of things on my, "TO-DO Before Baby Arrives" list, but I'm certainly not marking them off as quickly as I would like. There are several little things that are really slowing me down this time around... difficulties like swelling, numbness, carpal tunnel & a nerve issue in my abdomen and then there's Trenton, but he's my wonderful "time consumer"! A baby is a complete miracle and gift from God, and none of these difficulties will last forever but the precious life at the end will, so it's 100% worth it!!!

We have finally decided on a name and yes we are keeping it a secret like we did with Trenton Luke! It was so hard for us to decide and then 2-3 days after we settled on her name, I came up with two more names that are just perfect with Trenton and KRW. I have no idea why those came so easily, but I guess after debating and discussing so many names it's not that weird. I told Mark we're set for our next two - he just rolled his eyes and said, "yeah, right" ;) We told Trenton what her name will be, but he is not accepting any name other than "Baby Sissy"!!

The doctor said she doesn't think I'll go past my due date (2/3) and we hope she comes 1/27...so that's just a week away. Yay! For the most part I'm a private person, so there won't be any labor news or updates or anything of the sort, just a Surprise, She's Here....and the revealing of her name of course! Next blog will be all about "Baby Sissy" - Unless I become inspired about something, other than a nap! :)

A New Year!

So, normally I'm totally bummed about seeing all the Christmas decorations come down, but this year is different. Getting all the Christmas stuff put away means I can get busy with all the baby stuff that I've been needing to do...organizing, decorating, ect!

We had a really great Christmas! I just kept thinking how blessed we are to have what we have and then we received gifts on top of it all. I'm certainly not a person that compartmentalizes a year, but after the challenges we faced in 2010, it really changed my perspective on so many things. I am so thankful to have my husband, my son and soon to be daughter. Who needs stuff on top of all of that. We spent Christmas with family and it makes the holiday so special.

Trenton really got into Christmas this year...wow, he is sooooo much fun!

Now we are just waiting on our baby girl to join us. Still in search of the perfect name, but we really are close. Hahaha! People keep telling me how early their 2nd baby came and how we really need to choose a name :) it is such a permanent thing and for whatever reason, we have really struggled to find anything that fit. At this point, Trenton won't call her anything other than "Baby Sissy". We try to get him to say names that we're throwing around and he tells us, "that's not her name...it's baby sissy!!" I think he's going to be a protective big brother.

Well, I have quite a long to-do list for myself...things I want to accomplish before baby, so I need to try a check a few more things off... Happy New Year!

December Already??

I'm such a horrible blogger.... I'm blogging in my head almost daily, it's just in getting time to sit down and type it out that I fail. Oh well, life goes on ;)

Life has been so busy...I mean, SO busy! We keep saying that after "this" project or "this" event that life is slowing down, or that nothing is planned....RIGHT! Mark & I have always been busy, always filling up our schedules, even before we met. It's fun and we really enjoy doing things for the church, getting together with friends old & new and just keeping life spontaneous. There is a time or point though that you just have to ask yourself, has being busy taken over our lives? I think the answer for us would be yes...if we're being honest with ourselves.

Ministry life.....is crazy, challenging, unpredictable, time-consuming, joyous, rewarding, frustrating, misunderstood, unconventional and wonderful! The thing to remember is that God established family before he established the church and unfortunately this "life" often blurs the lines of work/recreation, work/busyness, work/friendship & even work/family. This probably doesn't make much sense to anyone that is not or has not been in ministry work. I wouldn't change our calling because I know that God knows what's best! I do however want to be aware when we let our job or calling consume us in an unhealthy way.

As I look ahead to our soon changing family, I feel so compelled to re-prioritize our life as the Whitakers. Ministry is great-it's what we're called to; traveling is great-it's one of the things we really love; extended family is great-they are our history and heritage, supporting & loving; friendship is great-helps keep us balanced and gives us perspective...outside of growing in Christ and listening and obeying what God specifically asks of us, none of these should take away from our family though, the soon to be 4 of us!

I've never been big on "New Years Resolutions". If something is out of order in my life, why wait, let's deal with it now, so this is my challenge to myself - for my husband and children. Keep life in perspective. Deal with issues in grace and love and when they are current, don't try to wait for the perfect moment. Don't rationalize and make reasons for why it's okay to take this or that on as long as my family is there...no that's not giving them my best. Actually, it's often only giving them my left-overs and when life gets so hectic, it almost always means I'm giving God my very last left-overs. Priorities are so hard to get right, but so easy to keep life going smoothly when they are where they need to be!

If I follow my current trend..... ;) I may not blog again until after Christmas.

If that's is true then I want to say this now, my hope for all my family & friends is that Christmas will be a celebration of the life God has given you, the people God has placed in your life and the hope and future that only He can bring! Merry Christmas!!