Stones

Apparently 4am and I are new BFFs. Ha! It's a great time for me to think, pray, to write....

This has been on my mind so much the past two days and when I woke, it felt as if I was already thinking about it. Weird. But then again, if it's something God is doing then it's not weird at all. 

For those who don't know, Mark had bypass surgery 9 years ago - not open heart - but bypass surgery for sure. The doctors used a robot to perform the surgery. We would love for you to look back and read all the details in the archives of this blog. June 4th, 2010, the day of Mark's surgery, I came to a realization the the hopes of the past nine months had come true and I was more than likely, finally pregnant. Except, no. Now? Really? Uh, God.....?  Let me tell you, seven months later, that little girl came as a burst of joy and light that we needed in a tough time of ministry and well, just life. 

 I'll share more later in how this all started with Mark, this time around, but this week, after spending a number of hours in the ER and being moved to a cardiac observation unit, I realized that our first full day in the hospital was the anniversary (if you haven't noticed, I have a thing about dates - ;) of another really tough day. Looking back at the pictures though, it may have been tough, but it brings be joy as well. Our sweet, yet feisty, tiny two-year old had begun having Petit Mal Seizures. It came out of no where and boy was it scary! We went through months of testing and questions with little to no answer as to what was causing them or why they suddenly started. 

Joshua talks about stones of remembrance or memorial stones. Things from a certain event, in the Israelites case, large stones, that Joshua had them place specifically so that they could be used to remind themselves of the faithfulness of God. That's what this picture is for me - a reminder of the faithfulness of God. In fact, as I was driving to the hospital the same morning as realizing what had happened 6 years prior, the song Praise Before my Breakthrough came on in my car and it is perfect! The lyrics say:  I'll praise before my breakthrough - Til my song becomes my triumph - I will sing because I trust You - I will bring my heart - I will lift my song   //   When I'm living out my faith - When I'm stepping on the sea - I know You take my hand - And walk with me   //   He who came in power - He will come again - He who heals the sick - Won't He move again!

Let's be real here, the tears were flowing, freely and heavily. But I was trading my worry for worship, because this song was so real. It is so real. We praise before we see any signs of what we're asking God for in that moment in time. We praise because we know what He has done in the past so we can be confident about the future. He will come again!!!  

The picture of Kamdyn, although it still pulls the emotions up from deep in my being, is a "stone of remembrance" for me and brings peace. You see, shortly after this picture was taken we has a serious time of prayer and anointing this child to be healed; and for this situation to be a testimony and bring God glory. He did it!  He healed her. The doctor's had decided that we were going to have to go on some pretty heavy medications, even though we didn't know the cause. We would just try different things, and that just didn't sit well with me. I asked him to give us a bit more time before we had to start something and God did the work. One day became one week which became one month and she was seizure free and has not had one since October 2013!  No meds, just Jesus! 

Today, as we wait...we may be one day closer to things we don't want to have to do. One day closer to overwhelming emotions and facing fears head-on, but I can look back at these stones and see that we are also one day closer to God's healing!  One day closer to seeing Him move again and in fact we already have! For Mark to feel as good as he does with the blockages he has, and to take that even further by saying, to have not had anything more major happen than what we've been dealing with, is truly a miracle! 

Pre-surgery protocols have begun and I would be lying if I said each time they come in to add to that agenda or talk about it, it doesn't shake our insides just a bit. We don't have to say it to each other, we just know. Good thing we also know how God has shown Himself faithful over and over in our lives. I'm not sure if the lingering unknown of the actual surgery date & time is better or worse, but it is what it is. We were told to plan for Monday morning and that seems to be the direction this is going.

I'll be pulling up every stone of remembrance in my mind over the next two days to help myself. Maybe you need to scroll back in the filed away images and stories of your life to encourage yourself! God certainly uses His people to bring encouragement. So many of you have done that and are continuing to do that for us and we are truly thankful! But if you can't encourage yourself in your faith, ask God to help you. The enemy is so very cunning and seems to know right when to come at you, when your most alone or at your weakest, so arm yourself with some stones. Not only are they faith boulders for you to stand on, you can use them like David when he faced Goliath. There is no demon in hell that can stand against a stone collected from a past situation God brought you through!! Be encouraged! Keep praying for us. 

This was a sleep study done on Kamdyn, 6 years ago (July 24th).
It felt unbearable to watch the fear overtake her as fear welled up inside of me at what this study might reveal.
Not only was it hard in that night, but my amazing little sleeper who had slept through the night for almost two whole years by this time, went for a solid NINE months after this, never sleeping more that 2 hours at a time.
She would wake in a full panic, just like she did on this night. 

Little bundle of joy! I had to include this one too, because the other is just too sad.
This was right after she was hooked up to all the leads and prior to the stuff that had to go in her nose and over her mouth. The smiles faded quite quickly when those things were added.
We actually had very little sleep this night, and in a moment of exhaustion and frustration
[because at 3:55 am, they were mentioning bringing us back in another night to redo]
 I practically begged her to go to sleep and we could go to the park the following day.
I saw this sweet little grin reappear when we got in the car to go home about 7a and she said,
"Remember today is our park day!"
We celebrate the life God has given us!

4:30AM is TOO early!

Do you ever feel like you just have to ask WHY?  As a Mom, I have said, "don't ask why?", countless times to my children.  As followers of Christ, we are often told, don't question God, don't ask why. . . But is it true for you as well, that sometimes, even when you don't verbalize why, the question fills every space in your 3 pound brain?? It certainly is for me. Mark would probably agree that I can unintentionally be so frustrating because I'm often trying to throw out the other perspective in most every situation. Even the ones I don't like. We're such complex beings and as I continue to learn more about myself, I've come to realize that not only do I want to consider the other perspective so that I am not self-absorbed, but I now believe the greatest reason is a need to find balance. Sometimes the scale tipping so far in one direction can seem unfair & even wrong.

In those moments of viewing situations like a scale, it can be overwhelming. Self-pity and all kinds of negative can flood into our minds and overflow into our hearts if we're not careful. This morning, and I use morning loosely because 4:25 is night time, there was a knock on the door and you say to yourself, do I really say come in? or who is it? at this hour??  [as the door opens anyway]
Our sweet, little tech comes in smiling and says, "time for your EKG" and in that moment, you ask yourself, WHY??? Why at 4:30 in the morning?  For this situation, I could not even come up with a valid opposing point, because I was too distracted by the frightening image of myself when I opened by camera app and to my surprise saw a very puffy-eyes, pale-faced version of myself because my camera opened to selfie-mode. Yikes!! I quickly thought, I should totally get a disguise or something because I'm going to scare this poor girl! Haha!  But even quicker, turned that camera mode around! I'll probably never know why, on this one, but Mark fell back asleep fairly quickly and then the nurse came in to apply a new nitroglycerin patch and he is now sleeping again, so all is well. (Especially if we can get a nap later!)

In all transparency, a much bigger why looms in our minds, even though it has remained unsaid.
Why again?
Why so bad, so fast?
Why now?
Why did this happen in the midst of many other challenges in our life?
The beauty of a why is this, God isn't scared off by a why? God isn't repulsed by our questions?
He doesn't turn His face away because our finite minds can not fathom His infinite view of our lives. He doesn't write us off because in our questions, we often misplace His role in the challenges that come into our lives. There are two guys in the Bible that immediately come to mind when I think of being real about the situations of life - Job & David. These guys definitely didn't always get it right, but one was restored to more than he ever lost and the other was called a "man after God's own heart". This tells me that when I go to God with honor, even with my transparency, flaws and questions, He responds with love and such a nearness that huge shifts take place in the atmosphere and life is changed. Although my mind has many whys, my heart remains steadfast that whether or not He gives me the answer to every question, He will most certainly fill me with hope to continue on regardless!

A huge why, I've asked is why is it so hard to get this surgery scheduled? Last night I was leaving my house and heading back to the hospital, which is my routine for now so that I can spend a few moments with all the kids before bed, my son walked me to the car and then asked if he could pray with me. My heart exploded with such joy that he #1. realized the source of our hope and strength lies in Jesus  #2. cared about his Momma's heart and sensed the weight I was feeling. In part of his prayer he prayed that surgery would be Friday, today. As he concluded, I told him how proud I was of his faith and prayer even though I know he is struggling with all of this as well. I also shared with him that it we already knew that surgery wouldn't be today and without realizing what I was saying, I told him that it was okay because we want the best medical team for our guy!  I know they are all skilled, but that God knows exactly who needs to be in that operating room for Daddy's needs and we want those people on whatever day that may be. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I felt a little stinging in my heart and knew the Holy Spirit wanted to show me something. I felt him opening my eyes to a truth that God often places the answer to our whys inside of us, but we are looking everywhere else for the answer or don't make the choice to see past our own reasoning. I've been asking folks to pray for Friday for a multitude of very valid reasons, but God has a greater plan and we are going to rest in that.

The exact surgery date is still up in the air - surgeon said, Monday or Tuesday...likely Monday.
So we wait. The Bible tells us to wait with hope, so that's what we're going to work on doing. 
Today, Mark will have some testing to locate the best arteries for his bypasses. Also, the medical team noticed a few challenges in lung function and want him to work on increasing that over the next couple of days to be sure we don't have any opportunity for infection to settle there. There is an answer to every why. We have to work to get to the place of confidence in Christ that we trust Him fully and even if we never get the answer, we can confidently say that He is good!

I am praying that each person that reads this will stop beating themselves up because they've asked why, and if that's you, that you'll go to the throne room of God and lay your whys at His feet. We often hurl them across the room at His face, but when we take them to Him and lay them down, He responds with such comfort & beauty!  I ask you to pray for encouragement for Mark as we wait, health in his lungs, ease in finding the vessels they need and strength - physical and emotional - for us, our children & our families!

Life in Parallel

I truly love to blog. I'm just terrible at it. I told myself I'd do better once we became a foster family because I knew there would be plenty to write about. Although there may not have been many truer statements, an even truer statement would be how do I find the time?  This post actually isn't directly related to foster care, yet it plays a role in bringing these thoughts into my mind....

Life lessons have been flying at me at an incredible pace now that we are fully immersed in this foster care world...the struggles, the joys, the heartbreak, the confusion, the work, the volume, the waste, the needs, the challenges, the blessings. All a beautiful and necessary part of this calling.

On a recent Friday morning after a definite late night and a super early morning, I was flying solo, with literally a thousand thoughts racing through my mind. Somehow all five kiddos were dressed, fed & out the door by 7:45 with Momma working on about 2 1/2 hours of sleep & STRESSED!  After dropping everyone off at the appropriate locations, I began thinking and praying about my day. The uncertainties that were just ahead. The unknowns ahead. The questions... A thought consumed my mind suddenly, a thought of, "OH NO!! I've been here before!" The word parallel immediately came to mind. Often everyday things I see come to life and an analogy or new thought comes through it. Similar, yet opposite of a word picture, so a picture word??? Whatever...haha...you get the idea.

So this picture word 😉  came together as I was driving down a four lane road and my eyes glazed over, probably from lack of sleep, at the parallel roads while my mind was swirling with the familiarity of this place I suddenly found myself. Moments in life that suddenly feel parallel are those where although the "names & places" may be changed to disguise it as something new, it looks, smells and feels like the same old vine growing up around you. For me, in that moment, it felt as if the vine was beginning to choke the life out of me. I could see myself wanting to fight the pressure of the vine, wanting to push it off so it couldn't squeeze and entangle me to the point of no movement, but the parallelity of the moment caused me to surrender to the vine as it wrapped itself around my heart and mind. It felt as if I had almost unknowingly slipped into a whirlpool swirling down slowly and deeply. Like the end of a movie that slowly fades to a blank screen. Everything felt like too much.

Here's the best part though - the Comforter, MY Comforter, the Holy Spirit, went right with me and began speaking life and encouragement to my sinking heart. In that swirling, light-fading moment of fear and doubt that made we want to just say, it's all too much, beauty began to come out of the ashes. God so sweetly spoke to my heart that parallels happen in life. Some are more obvious than others. Reality could not be denied that this parallel was huge. Reality is that this parallel IS crippling without Him. Reality is that the first time through these similar situations already forever changed me, so what now? God said to my heart,  reality is, this IS overwhelming... in human strength. But you have mine, so what are you going to do with it?

I began to feel the vine loosen. The depth of the swirl lessened. As I processed through these images and words I came to realize that parallels are two places in life that feel so similar you sometimes have to pinch yourself, but they also have two choices, that initially feel parallel, but wait, watch the difference!  You see, it is natural to become crippled by fear, worry, anxiety, dread. To began to replay the familiar from past life experiences. Our human nature sets us up for that, but as Christ followers, we are not restrained to live only by our human nature. We can access the heart and mind of Christ and choose the path that says, oh yes, this is all to familiar and there is NOTHING in me that wants to travel this way again, but I can and I will because I've been here before and I know the provisions and promises that God kept last time through. The scars from the last experience help remind me that God brought me through. No parallel situation can take that away. When I feel heavy with emotion, that's okay. I recently read something from a friend who reposted this by @HappySonship ( I don't follow him or know anything about his life, but this is fire) "Jesus knew Lazarus would rise again. Still, He wept. Because embracing pain is not negating faith. It's actually part of being in the likeness of God. So have hope, but don't deny your emotions. Pay attention to them. Feel what you feel... And enjoy the coming resurrection"!!!

Jesus knew that He, himself was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, yet he wept at the realness of his death! I can feel overwhelmed at the realization of what lies ahead, but I am not overwhelmed because I know God has gone before me. He carried me through last time and now we can walk this path together. There will be moments where he has to pick me up again, but my legs are strengthened and my heart is sure of His care and nearness to me. I am praying as I write that if you are in a similar place to me, that instead of dread, trade it for confidence in Christ. Be assured that bumps and bruises are just part of the journey, but you can keep putting one foot in front of the other knowing that healing will come and you will be stronger through Him!!

When I began writing this, I was simply going to end here, because at the time, I didn't have any answers or direction or plan to a huge part of our current situation, but now we do and I'd love to share briefly... my favorite person in the whole world is sick. We found out yesterday afternoon that Mark has an 85% blockage in the artery on the right side of his heart and the entire portion of artery along the back of his heart is 100% blocked. June 4th, we celebrated 9 years since his first bypass surgery and it hurt my heart to hear that he needs to have the full open heart surgery to fix these problems. (You can go back to the beginning of this blog, not this post, to read our story and how it all unfolded then.) God's not finished with our story and although I wish with every fiber of my being that this wasn't being written in to our story now, I trust that no matter what comes our way, God will bring good out of it and we just want Him to get glory from our lives!

It's 4am and I'm sitting beside him as he restlessly tries to sleep. We don't know when surgery will be. We need rest & quiet. We are humbled at the people already praying. We don't mind anyone knowing details, but appreciate privacy and time to process it all and prepare for this season of healing. I will post details here as we know them. We ask for your prayers for peace for our hearts. We ask for your prayers for our sweet babies, Trenton & Kamdyn - they are scared. Trenton was 22 months old when we walked this road before. They want to be with us and don't understand the time or process it takes to get better. Pray for our foster kiddos as they've been through so much in their short life. We are doing all we can to lessen any strain this would cause on them.

Don't be discouraged. God is in every parallel & He wants us to choose the path that says I can walk this way, because I've done it before and His faithfulness carried me through! We're choosing that path. Pray that our faith will remain strong!!

WHAT'S THE NEWS?!

 "True spirituality that is pure in the eyes of our Father God is to make a difference in the lives of the orphans, and widows in their troubles, and to refuse to be corrupted by the world’s values." James 1:27 TPT 

This news I want to share, really this calling, has been hard for me to share on the social media platform. Not because I have any doubts about what we are embracing, but because it feels so heavy and humbling, sacred really. Although caring for "orphans" is a Biblical mandate for every Believer, not every one is called to be a mother or father, sister or brother, because we are all a part of one body, with many different roles to play. We however, have heard God's prompting and chosen to say yes to those living as orphans within their own homes. To join many families in the fight to restore hope and love to children in the foster care system. 

God began stirring my heart to the need a number of years ago. In fact, adoption was a topic of conversation before Mark and I even became parents. Mark and I had our lists - lists of international places we wanted to adopt a child from, but it just never seemed to "fit". We knew this was our desire, but likely not His. Many questions or even worries seemed eased over the years as we spoke to different friends who fostered and then adopted and it was through those casual conversations that seeds were planted. Three or so years ago, I was ready to say yes. I wanted to jump in, but I was looking at my timeline, not God's. So we waited. Through a God orchestrated series of events over the past year, in unity we knew, the time is here to begin the process.   

God has so beautifully gone before us to prepare the hearts of our own little Loves. They openly accepted this call even before Mark and I took the first steps towards this new life. We are asked weekly, if not daily, when they get to be a foster brother and sister. There have been so many little nudges from God that just blow my mind!!

Our HomeStudy begins in the next couple of weeks - this is the final stage of the process to become a licensed foster home. We are aware that this journey will be full of countless unknowns, unforeseen challenges, heartache and even heartbreak, but God. He is our strength and we believe that although we may be the ones down in the trenches, there are many others that can help fight for these precious ones. So we ask our friends and family to fight alongside us. We may have to say no to more things. We may need an ear to just listen or shoulder to cry on. We may need an Aaron and Hur from time to time. So I ask you to pray that God will continue to work in us to mold us into all He needs us to be. Pray that He will provide all that we need to set up our house properly. Pray for our children; they know so little about the real need of these children yet love and pray for them often. Pray for the foster children - some days I'm overcome with emotion, wondering if these children - still nameless and faceless to me - are getting breakfast before school, or if their diaper is being changed regularly or if they are safe from their parent's significant other. Mark reminded me that God brings them to my mind to pray, not to worry. Will you pray with me? 

When others run away, we will run in!  In to hurt, in to loss, to sacrifice, to pain and confusion. In to a world totally unfamiliar and unknown to us, yet strangely home because it's God's plan, not our own. In to the world of foster care. 

In Pursuit...

  I love that God pursues us. Jesus left Heaven to come to earth for you and me, and I'd say, that's a pretty serious pursuit. But so often in my life I haven't really felt the pursuit?  Like those times when you feeeeel eyes on you... when you look down to see your pup staring at you from under the kitchen table, or your child has crept out of bed and is peering around the corner at you, or you walk into a restaurant and even without making eye contact, you feel every eye in the place on you. ((kinda creepy - haha))  You can know someone is watching you because you feel those moments. 

Have you ever felt God in that way, or just felt Him pursuing you at every available opportunity?? Here's what I've learned through some situations over the past couple of months. He is ALWAYS passionately pursuing us, we just often don't have our focus on Him enough to see, hear or feel His pursuit. When divorce happens or an unexpected death occurs or a diagnosis that changes your everyday life is given, or even just words spoken to us, who we are and who we're created to be often, begins to be questioned. Lately, without realizing it, I began to question who even am I and what am I supposed to be doing?? (PS - More on that...soon! In an upcoming blog ;) 

Post-it notes of scriptures, prayers and messages from family/friends have been such a blessing and certainly part of God's pursuit. But there is one song in particular, "You Say" by Lauren Daigle, that, for a span of 3 weeks, was literally been the first song that played every time I opened Pandora, it was the first suggested video when I opened YouTube and it played on the radio every single time I passed a particular location, no matter that time of day. It was a beautiful hug from God and as it played, I could hear Him say I'm here, these words are true, pursue Me as I pursue you! Be who God the Father says you are and don't let the thoughts the enemy puts in your head cause you to doubt who I say you are! 

I read something recently that has impacted me strongly - Lisa Harper said, "the veil between you and Christ becomes thinner as you walk through trials and lean hard into Him"; and I can attest to the truth of this statement! It's the passionate pursuit of us, His children that becomes tangible. It's His nature, His heart, the standard of His love for us, yet we're so often too busy. Too okay. Too set. Too focused on our own plans. Too all figured out, to see, hear and feel His pursuit!

Today, let down your barriers, allow yourself to see His pursuit of you! Knowing His love and pursuit in your head it vitally important in your everyday walk and talk as a Christ-follower, but getting to feel His love is life itself! 

PURSUED THROUGH PAIN

If you're reading this then that means you didn't give up on this post because of the title. Haha, awesome!  There are probably many though that thought, ugh, what a bummer topic. Stick with me…please ;) 

My son loves to make me cringe by using the worst grammar, intentionally, but since it fits so well here, I'll say this in his words, "Pain ain't fun!" Three weeks ago, our family was in a car accident. The pain of recovery has been real. Throw in moving, and you have a recipe for slow recovery, sleepless nights & PAIN. For the first week and a half, the cracked & bruised ribs woke me up often each night and most nights I found myself pacing the floors, praying for daylight. Some times those "worst times" can become the "best times" if you're open to it, and that's my story here. I'd love to say I always take that approach, but then I wouldn't be being honest with you. 

About two weeks after the accident, as I walked around our dimly lit house, several hours before the kids would even begin stirring, I realized that I had been able to have some of the best moments with Jesus in those 4a - 5a hours. I began looking at my pain in a different 'Light'. Father God had been using my pain to pursue me in those early morning hours. In accepting His pursuit, my focus shifted from the reason of my waking, to the purpose that it could be used to fulfill. 

The first part of Romans 8:26 says, "And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness". Pain brings weakness and an opportunity for help from our gift sent from Heaven, the Holy Spirit. Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:19, "Perhaps you think we're saying these things just to defend ourselves. No, we tell you this as Christ's servants, and with God as our witness. Everything we do, dear friends, is to strengthen you". I know for certain, that if we allow it, EVERYTHING submitted to Christ can and will be used to strengthen us!

There is great potential in pain. The first thing that pain does is slow us down, right?? If you're like me you immediately say, where's the potential in that? Whether it is physical pain, which can literally slow you down, or emotional pain, many things in life fall behind or often just have to pause because of the pain we are experiencing. Unfortunately, I get so caught up in life and on more than one occasion, I have had to go through something to grab my attention to slow down. At times, even force me to slow down. Pain can do that. Pain has done that in my life. It can also help us be more reflective, more sensitive & more appreciative. I believe that those traits are vital to a thriving walk with Christ, yet are so often the first things we let go of when the busy and crazy takes over. Pain will cause you to appreciate things you so often have taken for granted. It will help you be sensitive to the needs & hurts of others but also to what God is doing around you. 

My physical pain from the wreck brought about all of these things, but there was another time in my life when my pain was emotional. Pain from stress, from uncertainty, from worry, from exhaustion…today, June 4th, marks 7 years since Mark's heart bypass surgery and heart attack less than 12 hours after surgery. It was a time of great pain for me. Not physical, but deeply emotional. I was 27 years old, married less than 4 years, a mommy for less than 2 years, a mommy to be again for only a couple of weeks, financially uncertain woman whose life went upside down and inside out in a matter of minutes. Through it all, God pursued me. He used the pain I was experiencing to reach deep into my soul. To change me & show me a love that I had not yet fully experienced. 

 

Nothing Can Separate Us from God’s Love

31 What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”[a]) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

Romans 8:31-39(NLT)

Don't skip over verse 31!  See how it says "wonderful things"?  I've learned that the first step in being pursued is to take the approach that is positive, even when the situation would suggest otherwise. Not living in denial, that doesn't open you up to anything. Instead, look for good to come from your situation! Expect it, plan for it, hope for it, pray for it!!

Whether you're in the midst of a time of pain or can go back in the memories of past pain and remember the depth of it, let these verses from Romans open your heart to being pursued by a loving Father that loves you more than you'll ever fully understand. So much so that He wants to take your pain and turn it into something beautiful. Like those "become of tree after you die" ads…have you seen them? Honestly, I can't take their slogans and ads, they're just weird! But the concept is the same as the truth of God's purpose in our pain…ashes to beauty, sorrow to rejoicing, tears to joy, Death to Life!  If you want it, purpose and even new life can grow from your pain! 

CHANGES AHEAD --->>>

CHANGE - it's inevitable in life, yet so many people struggle with it. We know it's coming, it's necessary and often brings good, yet we struggle to embrace or even accept it. I was thinking about Abraham this past week and how he must have felt when God asked him to pick up his things and just go... no plans, no maps, no details, just a simple, follow me. Wow!

My walk with Christ, particularly in ministry, has given me the opportunity to give up things that I love in this moment, for things, although unknown, that will exceed my expectations in the future. My family has come to this place once again. For those who have yet to hear, we will be relocating to N. Georgia at the beginning of June. (Actually Mark is already there). My heart literally breaks a little more each time I think about leaving Trinity Chapel! I see God before me and want nothing more than to follow as closely as possible, but there is sacrifice to be made in that following... I've found though, the sacrifice is always worth it! So for that reason, and many others, I can step back into a place of unknown. I can say goodbyes, cry tears & put that distance between those that I love and consider family at Trinity Chapel. I can hold hands & manuever through frustration in my sweet, Babes as they process this facet of ministry & walking with Christ. 

Let me share, briefly, how God brought us to this place of CHANGE -
In December, our family was facing some really challenging situations. On top of that, we over heard our little ones talking to friends and the gist of the conversation was that they weren't 100% sure where to put down their church roots, because Momma served in one location and Daddy, another (actually several others, but that's not important right now). The moment hit me hard. Like, stopped everything in my head. And although nothing changed at that point, it changed that way I prayed about our situation. Instead of praying for a job for Mark at a specific church, we began to simply pray for God to move in our current situation or to move us. Not an easy prayer to sincerely, pray. 

Then during my January fast, I had a beautiful moment with God where He asked me to stop surviving and to live. I literally responded out loud as I was driving, "BUT HOW?" He showed me that it had to start in my mind, then in my speech, then just continue to trust and look for what He would do. Some weeks later, Mark received a call about a job. That had been happening, rather often, so it was no shock, but we immediately felt God stir our hearts to not just shut it down. 

Through prayer {and a lot of tears} we began to see clouds of questions, concerns, struggles & probably even some doubt begin to rapidly clear from right in front of us and knew God was at work. As saddened as we feel at saying goodbye & making a transition from Trinity, we couldn't be at peace any more than we are, that we are walking with God and into His perfect plan at this point in our lives. 

To our Trinity Chapel family: THANK YOU for loving us! For allowing me to love & teach your children & grandchildren. What an honor it's been. Although it was far shorter than I ever would have dreamed, our hearts have been deeply knit with so many of yours. We're family & will always be connected because of our Father in Heaven. 

To all of our Friends & Family: We ask for your prayers! The next few weeks will be busy as I pass the baton at work, manage all the end of year busyness with the kids school & pack up our house. Pray for Mark as he establishes himself in a new role & new city without myself & our kiddos. Lastly, pray for our sweethearts - the little Whitakers - as I call them. There's a level of understanding that they have not reached in their walk with God, plus moving away from friends seems so final & big, so our days are a rollercoaster of emotions! We trust, & know with confidence, that God has gone before us! We just continually seek God's wisdom in walking out the steps He's laid out & the purposes He's placed in our lives!