December Already??

I'm such a horrible blogger.... I'm blogging in my head almost daily, it's just in getting time to sit down and type it out that I fail. Oh well, life goes on ;)

Life has been so busy...I mean, SO busy! We keep saying that after "this" project or "this" event that life is slowing down, or that nothing is planned....RIGHT! Mark & I have always been busy, always filling up our schedules, even before we met. It's fun and we really enjoy doing things for the church, getting together with friends old & new and just keeping life spontaneous. There is a time or point though that you just have to ask yourself, has being busy taken over our lives? I think the answer for us would be yes...if we're being honest with ourselves.

Ministry life.....is crazy, challenging, unpredictable, time-consuming, joyous, rewarding, frustrating, misunderstood, unconventional and wonderful! The thing to remember is that God established family before he established the church and unfortunately this "life" often blurs the lines of work/recreation, work/busyness, work/friendship & even work/family. This probably doesn't make much sense to anyone that is not or has not been in ministry work. I wouldn't change our calling because I know that God knows what's best! I do however want to be aware when we let our job or calling consume us in an unhealthy way.

As I look ahead to our soon changing family, I feel so compelled to re-prioritize our life as the Whitakers. Ministry is great-it's what we're called to; traveling is great-it's one of the things we really love; extended family is great-they are our history and heritage, supporting & loving; friendship is great-helps keep us balanced and gives us perspective...outside of growing in Christ and listening and obeying what God specifically asks of us, none of these should take away from our family though, the soon to be 4 of us!

I've never been big on "New Years Resolutions". If something is out of order in my life, why wait, let's deal with it now, so this is my challenge to myself - for my husband and children. Keep life in perspective. Deal with issues in grace and love and when they are current, don't try to wait for the perfect moment. Don't rationalize and make reasons for why it's okay to take this or that on as long as my family is there...no that's not giving them my best. Actually, it's often only giving them my left-overs and when life gets so hectic, it almost always means I'm giving God my very last left-overs. Priorities are so hard to get right, but so easy to keep life going smoothly when they are where they need to be!

If I follow my current trend..... ;) I may not blog again until after Christmas.

If that's is true then I want to say this now, my hope for all my family & friends is that Christmas will be a celebration of the life God has given you, the people God has placed in your life and the hope and future that only He can bring! Merry Christmas!!

Busy times....

The last couple of weeks have been overwhelmingly busy! Last weekend, I, with

A LOT of great, help, finished a remodel of the children's ministry area at the church. 10-10-10 was the kick-off of Kidz Blitz as well as a big day for the church....a push to invite friends then a cook-out after church.... There was the church yard sale the day before and then Sunday evening our Couples Small Group. A crazy weekend for sure!!

The work paid off, but I thought I wouldn't make it. This week I've been soooooo tired. Hahaha! I read that once you lose sleep you can't "catch up", there's no such thing, that lost sleep is just lost! So how is it that exhaustion can catch up to you but you can't catch-up on sleep to compensate? ;)

In my busyness, I didn't take as long for my quiet times and my prayers were definitely "on-the-go" (more than usual). So this morning, since the house has been so quiet, I've spent some time catching up and just reflecting. It's been so good and a great way to overcome the yucky dream I woke up from this morning. I was reading about Cain and Abel and Gen. 4:7 says "sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it." I thought about me getting "too busy" to have quiet time and that's just not smart! Imagine how different we would live if we lived with this verse always on our minds?! I know I would think & act differently in so many situations. I don't believe this verse is an attempt to make us fearful...it's like the center square on a bingo game...just something to help us win in life, if we choose to use it.

I love how you can read something so many times and then suddenly, God can bring something new out and help you see again for the first time! Super cool - and that's what happened here for me today!

I'm trying to slow down a little, but the Fall Festival is less than 2 weeks away...I can't wait for my Mom to come for a visit! She is always such a help, especially in crazy busy times like this. Hug your Momma today...wish I could hug mine!

Quiet...

The house is so quiet. It is nice to get that break during the middle of the day...it's funny how, a quiet house during nap time is fine with me, but a house that's quiet because my baby isn't here or there are no little ones around, just makes me sad! :) Anyway, a quiet house, always makes me start thinking and replaying things that have been going on. This afternoon, I've been thinking about a stack of medical bills sitting on my table. I was thinking about them and all the stress and emotions tied to them, which made me think - I should blog! Then I thought, "why do I blog?" My answer to myself is, it helps me clear my head. Somedays are filled with conversations with people mostly 2 years old and under ;) and so it helps me feel like I've almost had a conversation with an adult...hahaha! Blogging also helps me see through my chaos and trials...see God, very present in my situations.

So, I'm still trying to set up payment plans and work out insurance issues on multiple bills and this morning I really had a melt-down over it all. Everyone says, oh as long as you pay them something you can't be punished or pursued or whatever. So, maybe I'm being pushed around or maybe because times have changed and the economical situation freaks everyone out the rules have changed....either way, I really let it get to me earlier! I called one office and she was very forward, and said, "So are you going to do $100 a month or more??" Really, well, if I only had to pay that one office off, sure, but I have 8 or 10 more that I need to make arrangements with, so no, I can't do $100 or more... I felt like I should be the one being a little more forward on the next call, so I didn't wait to be asked, I just offered, $50 a month (really, more than I wanted to offer, but I guess I was feeling prideful and ashamed to say $20 or $25 a month). He informs me that, $50 a month isn't an option. Uhhhh, what?! Then, in a very polite way, he explains that they are not allowed to take a bill out through a payment plan for longer than 12 months and he is supposed to push for it to be payed off in 4 months (Not likely, brother! :). Basically, they will just send you to collections immediately if you don't commit to an amount that will pay it off in the required time AND if you commit, but then don't pay that amount, off you go still...OH DEAR! As I hung up, I just laid my head on the kitchen table - feeling sorry for myself and overwhelmed too...then I felt two sweet little hands touch my leg, heard little feet walking around and then a little voice say, Mommy, what ya doin?

The bills are still sitting there, but I had a quick reality check that the most important things are not laying on the table, but walking around, playing and wanting to be hugged and loved on! I know that the doctors that took care of Trenton and Mark are worthy of getting paid for the work they did. I don't discount that at all, but the way the situation was handled this morning made me think about, grace. Who in my life am I not giving the grace they deserve? God continually gives it to me even though I don't deserve it! Am I getting so caught up in things revolving around my life that I don't even see others reality? I hope that I can truly see people more like Christ does...see them completely and be open to working with them, even when it doesn't serve me or maybe even makes life a little inconvenient for me at the time.

Nothing Jesus did was through the mindset of how does this serve me, but always, how can I serve others!! I want to be more like that!!

The blog lives!

I can't believe it's been two months since I blogged!! I wrote this blog about a month ago and just couldn't finish it, so I saved it and have finally returned & finished it......

.....obviously the news about our addition is totally out now and tomorrow we will find out if it's a boy or girl! Or if Trenton is correct in saying-"it's 2 babies Daddy!"

" I have wanted to blog, but it's been a busy month, so I chose to take a little time off. Another reason being, that we've been sick off and on. If you haven't heard yet, most of my sickness has been from our precious baby that has been developing over the past 3 1/2 months. We are expecting a little brother or sister at the end of January!! There has been so much going on in our world the last couple of months that we decided it was best to wait a while to let the news out.

Of course, there's not much hiding it now... ;)

Although this was unexpected, I started having a suspicion that I may be pregnant the first week Mark was in the hospital. Once I found out for sure I still waited to tell him - he had a lot going on at that time! I wanted to keep it a secret until Father's Day (we were supposed to be on vacation), but he started asking questions several days before and I just couldn't not tell him. God knew what was ahead, because Mark ended up back in the hospital and Father's Day was most definitely not a good day for him! I was beginning to feel so sick and pretty tired and so it helped that he knew I wasn't just tired of taking care of him!

There were some pretty rough days for me in the hospital... not just the throwing up & early pregnancy stuff, but the fear of what might happen through all he [Mark] had to go through. It's one thing to look at your Father/son/brother in his position - trying to be strong and have faith, yet being human and having the thoughts of what if's... It's completely different when it's your husband! When my dad had a heart attack and was facing open heart surgery, I remember thinking "what would I do without my dad?", "who will walk me down the aisle when I get married?", "will I ever get that Dad hug that makes you feel safe?" But this time, seeing my love, my other half, my best friend lying there and having all the scenarios buzzing through my brain was at times a burden that I felt too much to bear. All the thoughts of having my whole world change before my eyes and so early in our marriage, as well as having the joy of a new baby overshadowed by my overwhelming fear that I would be traveling that road alone...Those thoughts & emotional struggles made for some really long nights and tense days. It was most definitely a battle to remind myself, that God's word is always true and He doesn't lie nor is it just a 'feel-good' verse that says, "ALL things work together for good...." It was tough not being able to talk to my Mom about all that I was feeling emotionally...I had never thought of her feelings being different than mine during my Dad's time in the hospital. I didn't want to say anything in front of Trenton and sometimes always having people around made it tough to sneak away and call her. I was so blessed to meet a couple of ladies (through FB) who have been through the same situation and they were such an encouragement to me in this area. Thank you!

Not even exactly sure why I felt the need to blog such deep, emotional feelings from this past summer, but it was real, it was a part of what went on and it's something that Mark and I have finally talked about. It was hard to have such deep thoughts and not be able to share them with him, but as time has gone on and God has continually strengthened him and life has returned to our own sort of normal ;) I felt like opening up that aspect of our situation to him. It was incredibly encouraging to hear people talk about being encouraged through our trial, our faith, ect, but I guess I just wanted to open up to the 'darker side' of all that I experienced, because I, nor Mark, are super human or invincible and we most definitely had our weak moments.

I don't believe God causes any bad thing to happen, but I do believe He allows things to happen. I also don't believe in ignoring the reality of any situation we may find ourselves in the midst of just because we are Christian and have faith. I believe that faith doesn't deny reality, but it acknowledges God in the midst of reality. Because of my struggles, I was able to really call on God for my strength. I was honest with Him about my fears and the things I couldn't understand. I think we can see that a lot in David's life and God called Him a man after His own heart. David wasn't afraid to ask God the tough questions. He never doubted but He did open up about everything He felt and experienced and through that, God showed him so much! I want to be someone that truly chases hard after God and is not afraid to be raw before Him.

I hope this has only brought encouragement to people struggling with emotions that some might say, doubt God. We are all human. When we begin a relationship with Christ, we don't become some psuedo-human....we still have our same emotions, we just have to give them to God and let Him be the One to walk us or even carry us through the tough times!

Resiliency can't come from our own strength or abilities it can only come from God!

The weekend...

Hard to believe it's the weekend already! It's been a long week....

I'm finally feeling better. Think I had a stomach virus. Been running fever off and on all week and just feeling yuck! Tonight was the first time I've really eaten much at a time this week. Mom thinks my body is just responding to all the stress of the past 6 weeks and because of adrenaline and just "willing" myself to go on, this is just now hitting me. Whatever it is, I'll be glad when I can eat again and feel normal ;)

We think the swelling it finally over. The beginning of the week was a little scary with Mark's tongue and throat swelling up suddenly....he is still itching though! But that's easier to deal with than swelling. He is still on steroids and we know that it took a couple of weeks to build up to the point it was, and he still has another week or so of steroids so it could still take several more days to get everything completely out of his system.

Things are slowly returning to normal. Tuesday, he went to the office for a short time. Wednesday was our 4th Anniversary and we spent the day out and about and then went to church. We finally purchased a new bed!! We are so excited about it....I've been asking for a new mattress for over 2 years and since Mark's surgery, he has had a terrible time sleeping and getting comfortable and so it was time!! We are loving it! We decided to go all the way and get a king. It's taking some getting used to, but it's so nice for the mornings when we go get T and take him into bed with us to snuggle :) Trenton thinks the bed is for him and loves it as well.

Thursday Mark had basically a normal day back at work. He was quite tired by the time he got to the house, but he did really well. Sunday will be a month since his surgery and I'm so proud of him and how far he's come. We still have changes to make and some commitments to own up to (mostly exercise!) but we are definitely on our way to a healthier lifestyle.

One way we've changed and continue to work on, is an earlier bedtime. It can be difficult with Parker (one of the little ones I care for), because it's often midnight when he is picked up. I lost one of the other babies I took care of during the past 6 weeks, and although it brings some financial stress, it has really helped during this time of "getting back to normal" to only have Parker to care for. Especially with his crazy schedule! At least the early mornings are occasional rather than every day now. ;)

Tonight we got to spend the evening with great friends that we definitely don't see often enough. It was a wonderful evening! We are looking forward to more time with friends on Monday. I hope everyone has a fun-filled and safe weekend! I'm so thankful that I was born in America...as much as I LOVED my time overseas, I do appreciate so many things that I took for-granted before. Happy 4th of July!!

Uncertainty

Recovery is so uncertain. One day is great, the next day is so tough....keeps you feeling up and down for sure! We've definitely had our share of ups and downs around our house...the past few days Mark has been having a different and strange feeling in his heart, yet still feeling a little stronger each day. We've ventured out a time or two, mostly so that he can get his walk in for the day in an air conditioned place :) or to get a little Mexican food!! Healthier choices for sure though!

Yesterday, Mark was feeling good and he went ahead with his plan to co-lead worship at church. I hear he did a great job (I was in children's church with my kids) as usual, but hindsight tells you a lot and he definitely over-did it! We did get a wonderful nap after church. Lunch wasn't much on our radar (although his parents took us out for a good lunch!), just the thought of lying down and closing our eyes..... It was great!

We spent the evening getting cleaned up and continuing the re-organization process because his Grandmother is coming for a visit for a couple of days. Mark kept trying to do things, but just had to take it easy. Today has been tough too. Unexplained itching and swelling again... Great, right after we cancel his appointment with the allergist! Isn't that always how things seem to go....haha! He has been on the couch since mid-morning and I am praying that this is not a set-back, just a bump in the road!

I wish I could load up the family and take a road trip. There are so many people I want to hug and say THANK YOU for your support and encouragement over the past month and a half. It would most definitely take us a long time to get around to so many people all over the country and even across the ocean in Europe and Africa! We are humbled by God's provision and the love shown to us by so many!

NO MORE ASPIRIN!

After many calls back and forth with the cardiac surgeon's office, we began getting some things in order, getting questions answered and best of all, got the official word to STOP the aspirin! Yesterday was a terrible day for Mark!! It's hard to see your husband go through all he's been through with the sudden heart problems and then surgery and all that goes with that.... but this was just so terrible. Seeing him so incredibly swollen and in pain was just, heartbreaking.

About 3:45 the PA called back [after giving the word to stop the stents about 3p] and told us the cardiologist that put the stents in wanted to see him right away in the office! We were not prepared to leave the house...hahaha! Mom had gone out to do a little shopping, Trenton was still sleeping, Mark was lying down and I was definitely not dressed to go out. I did a super fast wardrobe change, got Trenton's bag packed, woke him up and dressed him, got Mark's socks and shoes on him and got everyone out of the house and loaded up in the truck in record time. The doctor hit us with a lot of info....basically he's in "uncharted territory" having just had stents placed and having to take meds without including aspirin in the regimen. We discussed a couple of different options and basically he just told which one he was leaning towards and we went with it. We're going to try this medication out for a time and Mark will have a platelet test sometime in the next month to make sure that this drug is strong enough and doing all it needs to do to protect the stents and his heart. This drug is also typically used with aspirin, but it is more potent that what he was previously on with the aspirin, so we are going that route. Our only apprehension about it is the cost, but we're going to trust God just like we have through this whole ordeal and believe that He will make a way. We aren't sure how much our insurance will cover because the pharmacy had to order the drug, so we may be pleasantly surprised when we pick it up!

About 5pm last night I noticed the swelling had decreased a little and was hoping that it would continue going down! When he woke up this morning there wasn't much of a change in the swelling and the hives had become terribly itchy! As the day has gone on though, the swelling has decreased slightly, so I know we are headed in the right direction.

We are just now realizing how stressful this situation has been on little Trenton, and are trying to stay patient with his frequent melt-downs! I think he's afraid to really embrace us all being together....he's afraid we're going to have to leave again.

Mom bought a nice blow-up mattress and I'm camping out in our bedroom. Mark needs the entire bed to really get comfortable and I need to be in the room with him to give him his meds and be there in case he needs something. I can't seem to, not be tired, but I know there's a reason and know that in time rest will come regularly and we'll feel back to normal!! I also know that when Trenton and Mark take a nap I can too :)

We are looking forward to seeing friends again, getting out and about, doing some fun summer activities with Trenton and getting back to work! I'm believing that all my blogs from this point on are going to be all positive and only good reports! Thanks for your continued prayers and words of support!