Stones

Apparently 4am and I are new BFFs. Ha! It's a great time for me to think, pray, to write....

This has been on my mind so much the past two days and when I woke, it felt as if I was already thinking about it. Weird. But then again, if it's something God is doing then it's not weird at all. 

For those who don't know, Mark had bypass surgery 9 years ago - not open heart - but bypass surgery for sure. The doctors used a robot to perform the surgery. We would love for you to look back and read all the details in the archives of this blog. June 4th, 2010, the day of Mark's surgery, I came to a realization the the hopes of the past nine months had come true and I was more than likely, finally pregnant. Except, no. Now? Really? Uh, God.....?  Let me tell you, seven months later, that little girl came as a burst of joy and light that we needed in a tough time of ministry and well, just life. 

 I'll share more later in how this all started with Mark, this time around, but this week, after spending a number of hours in the ER and being moved to a cardiac observation unit, I realized that our first full day in the hospital was the anniversary (if you haven't noticed, I have a thing about dates - ;) of another really tough day. Looking back at the pictures though, it may have been tough, but it brings be joy as well. Our sweet, yet feisty, tiny two-year old had begun having Petit Mal Seizures. It came out of no where and boy was it scary! We went through months of testing and questions with little to no answer as to what was causing them or why they suddenly started. 

Joshua talks about stones of remembrance or memorial stones. Things from a certain event, in the Israelites case, large stones, that Joshua had them place specifically so that they could be used to remind themselves of the faithfulness of God. That's what this picture is for me - a reminder of the faithfulness of God. In fact, as I was driving to the hospital the same morning as realizing what had happened 6 years prior, the song Praise Before my Breakthrough came on in my car and it is perfect! The lyrics say:  I'll praise before my breakthrough - Til my song becomes my triumph - I will sing because I trust You - I will bring my heart - I will lift my song   //   When I'm living out my faith - When I'm stepping on the sea - I know You take my hand - And walk with me   //   He who came in power - He will come again - He who heals the sick - Won't He move again!

Let's be real here, the tears were flowing, freely and heavily. But I was trading my worry for worship, because this song was so real. It is so real. We praise before we see any signs of what we're asking God for in that moment in time. We praise because we know what He has done in the past so we can be confident about the future. He will come again!!!  

The picture of Kamdyn, although it still pulls the emotions up from deep in my being, is a "stone of remembrance" for me and brings peace. You see, shortly after this picture was taken we has a serious time of prayer and anointing this child to be healed; and for this situation to be a testimony and bring God glory. He did it!  He healed her. The doctor's had decided that we were going to have to go on some pretty heavy medications, even though we didn't know the cause. We would just try different things, and that just didn't sit well with me. I asked him to give us a bit more time before we had to start something and God did the work. One day became one week which became one month and she was seizure free and has not had one since October 2013!  No meds, just Jesus! 

Today, as we wait...we may be one day closer to things we don't want to have to do. One day closer to overwhelming emotions and facing fears head-on, but I can look back at these stones and see that we are also one day closer to God's healing!  One day closer to seeing Him move again and in fact we already have! For Mark to feel as good as he does with the blockages he has, and to take that even further by saying, to have not had anything more major happen than what we've been dealing with, is truly a miracle! 

Pre-surgery protocols have begun and I would be lying if I said each time they come in to add to that agenda or talk about it, it doesn't shake our insides just a bit. We don't have to say it to each other, we just know. Good thing we also know how God has shown Himself faithful over and over in our lives. I'm not sure if the lingering unknown of the actual surgery date & time is better or worse, but it is what it is. We were told to plan for Monday morning and that seems to be the direction this is going.

I'll be pulling up every stone of remembrance in my mind over the next two days to help myself. Maybe you need to scroll back in the filed away images and stories of your life to encourage yourself! God certainly uses His people to bring encouragement. So many of you have done that and are continuing to do that for us and we are truly thankful! But if you can't encourage yourself in your faith, ask God to help you. The enemy is so very cunning and seems to know right when to come at you, when your most alone or at your weakest, so arm yourself with some stones. Not only are they faith boulders for you to stand on, you can use them like David when he faced Goliath. There is no demon in hell that can stand against a stone collected from a past situation God brought you through!! Be encouraged! Keep praying for us. 

This was a sleep study done on Kamdyn, 6 years ago (July 24th).
It felt unbearable to watch the fear overtake her as fear welled up inside of me at what this study might reveal.
Not only was it hard in that night, but my amazing little sleeper who had slept through the night for almost two whole years by this time, went for a solid NINE months after this, never sleeping more that 2 hours at a time.
She would wake in a full panic, just like she did on this night. 

Little bundle of joy! I had to include this one too, because the other is just too sad.
This was right after she was hooked up to all the leads and prior to the stuff that had to go in her nose and over her mouth. The smiles faded quite quickly when those things were added.
We actually had very little sleep this night, and in a moment of exhaustion and frustration
[because at 3:55 am, they were mentioning bringing us back in another night to redo]
 I practically begged her to go to sleep and we could go to the park the following day.
I saw this sweet little grin reappear when we got in the car to go home about 7a and she said,
"Remember today is our park day!"
We celebrate the life God has given us!