This has been yet another day of emotional yo-yo-ing (okay, so I know that is not a word!). The day began well. Mark slept in. This was great because the lying in bed, staring at each other, just waiting was excruciating! We prayed that wouldn't happen and God answered that prayer....so much, that they called for him 1 1/2 hours early. Wow...shocking but hey, better than the alternative. So, once again we made our way to pre-op. It was all too familiar and I must admit there was a little fear in the back of my mind that Wednesday might be repeated. I quickly threw that out, because we had been assured that we were set to go and it looked like go early. Once again, the 15 minute wait became 30 minutes, then 1 hour, then 2.....finally 6 1/2 hours after the call to go to pre-op, after holding Mark's hand while he agonized over being bumped again and went through pain and discomfort from all the tubes from both arms and even his neck, and saw every person in pre-op go into surgery before him, they took him back.
I dreaded the next 6 hours and still, looked at them with anticipation. Although at the end of it, he would, in no way, feel like it, he was going to be better! I'm so thankful for the company of family and a sweet friend who drove WAY out of her way just to come sit and encourage!! Time passed more quickly than I dreamed it would. Once the surgery was over and I spoke with Dr. Halcos, I felt an elated feeling that I haven't felt in some time.
Surgery went well! Mark is strong. He did have to put him on the bypass machine for a time, which meant they had to break a rib to accomodate, but modern medicine & technology never cease to amaze and they were able to do a repair that makes it as if it was a slight fracture (I won't get into the details of it...just trust me it's amazing). The actual bypass of the artery looked great, bleeding seemed to be minimal and they were even able to take the breathing tube out just before they left the OR. God is amazing, wonderful, faithful and so loving!
The next part was hard....I was like on speed or something, I was dying to get back there. To see him, hold his hand, touch his face and tell him I loved him and that everything was good. It was a long wait....while waiting, my little man arrived and I got to spend some time with Trenton which totally passed the time.
Seeing him was wonderful and terrible! He was in such pain. When he looked at me and said "Hurt, I hurt Babe. Help me please!" my heart nearly stopped. It's the most helpless feeling to hear those words from someone you love when you know there's nothing you can do about it. For several different reasons and because of the situation as a whole, I left the hospital for the first time since we arrived at Emory on Tuesday and I am at our house for the first time since last Sunday. I can't sleep....I need sleep, but I'm praying, I'm celebrating and I'm thinking about how blessed I am. Another family in the surgery waiting area experienced something tragic, we are uncertain of what happened, but there's no doubt it was not the outcome they wanted to hear. Say a prayer for them!
Once this is all over I will blog a bit more about some of my challenges and obstacles, personally, through this hurdle. I know that Mark has been reading the blog and I haven't wanted to cause any stress or worry on his part. I am truly humbled by the comments and love shown to me by those who have read the blog!! I'm not super woman by any means...tonight proved that! I do so love the verse in the Bible that talks about when we are weak, HE is strong. I don't believe that is something that will just happen though. We have to admit that we are weak and need Christ. It doesn't take a traumatic situation, it just takes a change in our heart and outlook on every aspect of life. Over the past ten days, I have literally cried to God and all I could say was please be strong in me...over and over and over. And you know what, HE HAS!
Whatever your personality type, it is irrelevant if you don't submit it to God. I am, by nature, a nurturer and a protecter. Through Christ those traits have been invaluable for Mark (and even me) over the past 10 days and will be in the days to come. If I don't keep those in line with God's word though, and daily ask Him to use them for His honor, then they can actually be a hinderance. I hope that as we all grow up in our faith and knowledge and understanding of God's amazing grace, provision and love, we will submit not just ourselves in a blanket sort of way, but each individual trait that God has given us. Just like seeing so many people from different denominations, experiences, walks in life and ages come together to petition God and be the family God created us to be, for Mark, has been overwhelmingly beautiful; blossoming and continually developing who you are in Christ brings a beauty unlike any other!
Thank you for your prayers! We still need many for the days and weeks ahead, but God has honored your prayers and we are forever grateful!
You got me all teary eyed. Thanks for sharing your heart. I am so glad everything went well. And by the way no pressure at all to be super woman. :) You are strong and amazing. Mark is so blessed to have you.
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